My house is old by American standards, a log cabin that dates back at least 180 years. The upside is, the basic bones are sturdy. With reasonable care, this dwelling should still be standing in another 180 years. The downsides are legion.
Nothing is plumb, a lot is out of code. Maintenance is neverending, and replacing parts installed thirty years ago invariably results in jury-rigging what has already been Rube Goldberged three times over. My neighbor was kind enough to attempt such an operation on the wall mounted heater in my kitchen. The electrician who did the replacement work had not tended to the aesthetics at all.
My neighbor figured we could frame the heater with bead board and improve the look significantly for very little cost. He got to work and found that, welp, the general approach was valid, but the little bead board frame thickness was enough to create a gap where the juice was turned on and off, and…
As he’s describing this workaround to the jury-rig to the do-over, I about come unglued. My hamster wheel starts going at warp speed. His simple plan had been too simple, and I must have heat in the kitchen (frozen pipes no fun, burning wood no good for the planet), and why wouldn’t he anticipate that moving the contacts farther apart would be a problem, and I am going to explode with upset…
His ultimate fix was simple: Pull the whole box the heater sits in a quarter inch forward inside the wall. The contacts will touch, the appearance will be the same as if the box wasn’t pulled forward a bit, all good. But there I was, going into hyperdrive, telling him to just pack up his tools and abort, abort, abort…
Fortunately, my neighbor is a kind, patient man, and he gave me the time and space to calm down and sort myself out. I knew I was egregiously and badly mis-reacting, but the sense of upset was very real. Something was going on with me.
What in the world could be… and it hit me: I’m getting a tooth pulled this week, and that after having a major filling repair, a new crown, and a pile of “stuff in your mouth” diagnostics earlier this month. I’ve already had eight teeth pulled–four when I was a kid to “make room” for braces (which turned out to be the exact wrong thing for my mouth), and my wisdom teeth. I had braces for five years, and every single appointment resulted in significant pain. I dread the dentist (understatement font).
And I dread this tooth extraction, because it’s different. This tooth has to go, after a root canal, because it’s done. It cannot be saved. Doesn’t hurt, still works, but doc says it 
has to go. Evidence of intermittent infection. Warranty expired, no replacement parts available (though we might do an implant). I am scared of the procedure, scared of having to use my first ever ride share app, and scared to think my tooth is a just harbinger of a lot of changes to come.
So I nearly lost my marbles because the guy trying to do me a home improvement favor had to rethink his approach by a quarter inch.
I am that good at hiding my own upset from myself. If you’d asked me, I would have said all this dental work was a nuisance–and it’s not fun–but I would not have acknowledged that helplessness, incompetence, feebleness, dependence, and even death were thumping on my composure that hard. This is the year I qualified for Medicare, and that… Medicare is for doddering old people, isn’t it? This is the year when significant weight loss has resulted in a very wrinkled appearance in places that were never wrinkly before.
Maybe this hasn’t been such an easy year (so far), and all of that upset and anxiety got stuffed into a quarter-inch gap, and I nearly didn’t see it.
Have you ever stashed an upset almost out of sight? Gone into hyperdrive over a minor speed bump only to realize, on reflection, that you’ve been managing a roller coaster?
(PS… Lord Julian’s fourth tale, A Gentleman in Pursuit of Truth, has recently joined the audio book offerings on the web store.)
Not introspective enough to answer the question you asked but I also had 4 teeth extracted for braces, plus my wisdom teeth for impaction, and had a tooth removed. It was for a special condition and it really knocked me for a loop when the periodontist removed the bad tooth. I cried in the dental chair from emotion, not pain. It didn’t help it’s front and center in my lower jaw. But I wore the fake tooth until they deemed me eligible for an implant and I’m happy I did it (though I would have been happier not to have the disease the required the whole thing). And I also have had a significant but purposeful weight loss in my 60s that left me with unsightly wrinkles (I don’t mind the neck ones nearly as much as the backs of my arms, for some reason). This getting old stuff is definitely not for wimps! But we are strong enough to take it on (if we say if often enough, will we believe it?).
Hoping for an excellent outcome for you!
The Dentist is also looming in my future. I hope it will not be as bad as you are expecting and will be thinking of you next week.
oh my gosh, YES! So many times I lose my mind over something that is small and wouldn’t be a big deal if I were rested, non-stressed, or otherwise ok. But the smallest thing can be the straw that uncovers the whole broken camel’s back lurking underneath.
I’m sorry to hear about your trepidation and your stressors, Grace. Sending you great big hugs!!!
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I also had 4 teeth pulled for braces and my wisdom teeth out later and the dentist told me a year ago that EVENTUALLY one of my teeth will likely need to come out at the back of my mouth (root canal 30 years ago) and I still get hit with waves of anxiety for a potential future extraction. It doesn’t help that it seems that much of my dental work and TMJ treatments have been exactly the wrong thing. Did you ever read Breath by James Nestor? It was very validating.
There are many times I have overreacted to something only to tease out the real culprit to find something lurking beneath. My husband and I try to do a check in each week and one of the points is stressors in the upcoming week and it has been illuminating how when I look for the stressors I can see them but if I am not specifically trying to identify them I mosey along until I meltdown with something smaller but in the wrong place at the wrong time.
What a great idea to try to identify where the potholes are likely to be!
Anxiety about upcoming medical procedures can make anyone ultra touchy about unrelated issues. I’ve been putting off cataract surgery for some months now, and thinking about it sends me off the deep end whenever my husband broaches the topic. I also need a tooth pulled and an implant installed which I’ve been procrastinating about (sense a theme?). I’ve been known to be cranky about pretty much everything when I’m tired or hungry. And my hubby pointing out that I’m miserable because I’m hangry or tired only makes it worse, because I feel like my emotions are being dismissed. Some days it’s not worth getting out of bed… Stay safe. Stay well everyone!
I also dread the dentist. When I was very young, I badly needed braces on my teeth, but the dentist told my mother that I had several fillings that had to be done first. She didn’t want to take two trips, so she had them all done that day – Without any anesthesia or deadening. They held me down in the chair.
Sixty years later, I can finally go to a dentist’s office for a cleaning without getting nauseous.
I don’t blame my mother FYI. She had 6 children with no anesthesia.
Tina, get the cataract surgery. I had both my eyes done and now have 20/20 distance vision. I still have to wear reading glasses but, see great to drive. The worst part of the surgery is the eye drops. No pain and you feel nothing during the surgery. I do agree with you about the dentist.
Oh golly!! Pus all that dental work is expensive! I like my dentist and he lets me pay in installments, but the last thing was a total surprise, having to have a crown but at least another another extraction. I have had two molars pulled and did not have implants. I have a very nice plastic insert, much less invasive, let me tell you!
Yes, I think often we get upset about something when it’s really about something else, and we are overreacting big time. I get very upset about surprise expenses since I don’t have much spare money. Right now they are installing new water pipe on the street because the infrastructure here is pretty old, and the supervisor just told me that when they connect the new main pipe to our house pipe, since the pipe from the street to my house is old galvanized iron it might burst, meaning digging up the yard and installing new pipe, at my expense. Oh lovely.
And one thing leads to another — tooth leads to money woes, leads to old age solvency woes, leads to loss of independence woes, leads to being gaga in the nursing home ……… wheeeee!!
Oh, boy– can I relate! I am normally pretty self-controlled, but my wonderful husband can have very little patience, especially if exasperated. He usually calms down and then manages to laugh when I tell him, “Your crazy is showing. You might want to tuck that back in.”
We keep each other sane and I love him to death for it.
Welcome to the mid sixties. I get it – I’m a couple of years over the ‘mid’ sixties part. I’ll be seventy in a few short years, which is freaking me out a little. I notice every day the things I can no longer just *do* – instead I have to be careful of how I walk, and curbs are now an obstacle I have to be very careful with. 🙁
My advice to middle aged folks is to not wait for retirement – go out there and hike, have those adventures, and take those once-in-a-lifetime vacations now. I regret giving up my fossil hunting trips because I had borked one of my knees. Older me wishes I had womaned up and had the knee surgery.
I do that all the time. I had a headache the other day and I had to sit down and backtrack until I figured out my problem. Once I did the headache resolved.
My husband gave me Covid, for the second time. The first time I was scheduled for thyroid biopsies, and he went to Lowe’s without a mask and brought home Covid along with his hardware. He was sick for five days, I was sick for two weeks and now have three leaky heart valves. This time, I am scheduled for a complete thyroidectomy in two weeks and specifically asked him to mask up when he took his daddy to the doctor and when he went to Costco. Again he ignored the request, and bought home Covid. Now my surgery has to be postponed indefinitely–I’ve been dealing with this problem for three years. He apologized this morning and told me he loved me. I replied that I love him too because otherwise I would shoot him. A little bit of an overeaction!
Your tale although upsetting has the bit of humor I find in your writings so often. Real life, real reaction and then peace. Thank you.
a very serious but still funny story happened just this month. Aug 14 I was to leave on a trip to the Baltics state and Poland. The night before about 9:30 p m a 9 foot branch from my almost 100 year old tree fell to the yard. In the dark, we were out trying to cut up the branches we could for the dump leaving the 9 foot branch until we came home! Distress, unease etc lead us to Dulles airport the next day! The best part of all this is that after traveling in countries that live with the stress that any political event could happen at any time made me thank God for our free democracy shouting “Don’t give it up for any reason”. We are so fortunate and blessed. Watching the DEMOCRATIC convention at 2:30 a m Baltic time gave me the urge to start talking about the right to vote etc.
I do understand that this is not a bully pulpit but I got to say it again WE ARE FREE and WE MUST WORK TO KEEP THAT FREEDOM!
And I still have a 9 ft branch to chop!
Yes, I’ve blown a gasket over something stupid and minor. It’s usually a final straw type of situation, where things keep piling up. I think the explosion happens because of the feeling of total lack of control in one’s life. Enjoying a string of good things usually negates and overcomes a string of bad things.
I’m a little late to the party here but have read several of the comments. I’m 82 years old and not sure exactly how old I was when I got braces but I’m guessing around 14-15. I too had 4 teeth removed and remember to this day that experience. And when I was in my 20’s had my wisdom teeth pulled. Last year I had to have a tooth removed and was really worrying about it. But my dentist sent me to a specialist, and he had that little guy out of my mouth in seconds and I didn’t feel a thing.
I do agree that being rested and not stressed is the best, although how one can do that in today’s world is rather a hard thing.
Best of luck, I find it hard to believe that doing research, writing, editing, proof reading, dealing with all the myriad publishing stuff plus all the rest of your life can get pretty stressful. Thank goodness for great neighbors.
Oh, yeah, do I know this.
At the end of 1999, my dad was in the hospital for a triple bypass. He had complications (coughed violently for as long as a half hour-nothing could stop it. Apparently this happens sometimes with bypasses). Well, after a week of this he had a heart attack and coded while my mother and I were there to watch. They revived him with chest compressions, but after a few hours his breathing slowed down a lot so they anaesthetized him and put him on a ventilator.
He stayed in the hospital for two months, nearly died when an artery started leaking, had several more heart attacks while they were repairing that, had another minor operation when blood leaked into his lungs, and then had another month in rehab while they were re-teaching him to swallow after him being on a ventilator for so long.
So, needless to say, my mother and I were basket cases through a lot of this. We thought we were acting normally, but we watched each other have meltdowns over seemingly nothing throughout the whole process. Luckily, we flipped out alternately rather than at the same time.
But it sure was a valuable lesson in “You never know what stress someone is going through. Try to treat everyone very, very kindly just in case somebody is about to become unhinged.”
And my dad lived another 18 years. He died at the age of 90.
God Bless Washington Hospital Center’s cardiac people.
(And Medicare will save you an absolute fortune if you have to go into the hospital! [But nothing on dental, darn it, although if it’s dental surgery, maybe…])
Please leave out my rather distinctive last name. Thanks, Grace.
By clearing your source of intermittent infections, you havé improved your overall health. I also faced dental surgery this summer. It was a roller coaster and an ongoing assessment of my vulnerabilities. Hope your cabin has less repairs this winter. I just finished re-reading your Lady Violet Mysteries and loved it even more. I’m hoping she and Sebastian will have future tales to tell!