So there I am, in the passenger seat on my first ever ride-share app experience, dreading the dentist appointment that awaits me (it went fine). Within five minutes of me getting into the car, the driver and I agree the ride share business model is disgraceful. All the risk is on the the driver and the passenger, but the app is keeping at least half the revenue, if not more.
Boo, hiss, wurra-wurra. My driver soon told me that the only reason he took the ride–one way, with a pick up fifteen miles into the countryside–was because his acceptance rate would suffer if he turned it down, and he’d be penalized for not taking the crappy rides. This of course, got all my Big Brother Needs A Time Out leanings fired up, and from there the discussion went on to how my driver came to the US a little over a year 
ago.
He was absolutely, 100 percent legally admitted here, along with his wife and two small children, but as his country had no active US embassy, obtaining the visas he was promised by the US government meant illegal border crossings, illegally re-entering his own country, and months of living at risk, while losing his life savings and walking an unimaginable tightrope of mistrust, suspicion, and risk.
But he and his little family made it here, in large part due to sheer courage and persistence, and in some small part due to luck (speaking five languages might have helped too). He’s working his tail off, as is his wife, and they regard themselves as a success story–as do I. What is more American than overcoming the odds, starting fresh, and building a dream to hand on to your children?
Where my driver came from, I would not be allowed to read in public, much less publish books, much less go to the dentist without an adult male escort, assuming I was allowed to go to the dentist at all.
I gave that guy a mighty cash tip, because the app lies about all tips going to the drivers. Less than 80% of tips through the app go to the drivers. GRRRR (though, yes, I know, I might have fallen for the biggest serving of baloney dished out thus far in history… but I don’t think so). I got out of the car 45 minutes later having substantially revised my opinion about ride share apps.
They are a horrible business model, exploitative, invasive, blah, blah, blah…. but the experience I had with that driver was wonderful. He distracted me from my pre-appointment anxiety, delivered a swift kick in the behonkis to my vast cultural privilege, and gave me a timely re-adjustment of perspective on what even legal immigration can look like in the US.
I dealt with the dentist appointment from a humbler, less egocentric place than I would have otherwise. I was reminded that the world is full of good, kind people, who–even in the midst of adversity–are honorable, considerate, and well meaning. The ride-share-app business model still stinks in my humble, but as trips to the dentist go, that one will long remain my favorite.
Has life ever presented you with an unplanned redirection of your outlook? A detour that led to a worthy destination? I’m already building my ARC list for A Gentleman of Unreliable Honor, so do chime in with your comments.
Life has presented me with several challenges this past 2 years. Two weeks ago my brother drove me to Boston for my surgery. Had a blood draw and was brought to pre op. Was getting prepped for surgery until the blood work came back…low, potassium.
Had a blood draw 2 days before and it was fine.
I had an infusion, potassium delinks and pills…second bloodwork not much better.
So surgery was canceled and my plans were a mess.
The doctors and nurses took great care of me and I had more potassium drinks and pills and I was released at 2. I called a friend who drove in Boston traffic and he “ rescued “ me.
I was devastated. But, the is a bright side. The doctors found the issue , problem solved and can correct it. And I have a new surgery date. I learned that people are willing to help one and other.
I would have lost my precious few marbles, Sue. At the peridontist’s, they tried to tell me that the ride-share-home arrangement I’d worked out with their approval at the last appointment wasn’t going to fly, and I could feel all my panicky, meltdown-y, crazy old lady reactions starting to fire. We got it sorted, but I would have been as cool as you in the face of a postponed surgery. Surgery is a big deal, and I’m sure you wanted it behind you. I want it behind you!
There’s way too much assumption at doctors & surgical centers that we all have families/friends able to haul us at ungodly hours from remote places. Or else everyone is independently wealthy & can afford the “concierge services” like the card I got handed before my last surgery. Let’s just say it was far cheaper to pay a neighbor to take a day of leave from work to take me, sit there as required, then haul me home. Sigh…
I cannot think of any specific redirection though I know I have changed my mind about things as I have gone through life, so either I don’t notice things unless I’m hit over the head with them or I don’t remember them unless I’m hit over the head with them. Perhaps I will think of something after my comment is posted (it wouldn’t be the first time).
I personally think the concept of illegal immigration is racist as it wasn’t even defined until the 1920s starting with Chinese immigrants, then expanded to other mostly non-European, non-white countries. I also hate the hypocrisy of those who complain about “illegal” immigrants when our economy would basically collapse without them, as many of them do the dirty work our own “real” citizens won’t. And it seems those who scream the loudest about “illegals” are also the ones who hire them, thus giving people the lure of a job as a valid reason to come here. I also think our country is big enough to absorb the immigrants, as there are plenty of places that need workers. I’m with the sentiments expressed in the poem on the Statue of Liberty.
I understand that we can’t absorb everybody who wants to come here just because they want to come here, but my leanings are in the same direction as yours. The US population is both aging and declining, and from a practical perspective immigration can mitigate both problems (and has mitigated both in recent years). For those reasons alone (and for others), painting immigration exclusively as a problem makes no sense to me.
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Glad your ride and dreaded dental appt. went well. The immigration process in this country is messed up. In Spades!
Love your books and when I am out of something to read, I return to the Windhams.
They never fail to entertain me–in fact, I wish some of my relatives were more like them. I feel I know them well now.
Thanks for keeping on with your writing. I look forward to each as it is issued.
Brings back memories of my 4.5 year relationship with the “Persian Diversion” & learning about his time in an Iranian prison for being a heretic, AKA believing all the religions are one, there is one human race, & that women should be educated FIRST since they are the teachers of the next generation. A gentler, more honorable man I’ve rarely known. He could translate poetry from one language into another at UN translator speed while making it scan (he spoke & read 6 fluently) & you could trust him with anything from your house key to your life. He drove me to have my retina surgically repaired, sat with me in recovery, & stayed with me that first night to make sure the drops went in on time, even though he admitted later it gave him the cold sweats to do it since being alone with me in my house at night would’ve gotten him flogged at a minimum in the old country.
Even though it wasn’t to be & he moved to another part of the country, he inspired me to take more risks, make some major changes in my life, & forever be grateful for being born in a country that is still a beacon of hope to much of the world & positively crawling with opportunities for those willing to reach out & work hard to get them instead of whining with whatever excuse is handy or fashionable at the moment.
I was 22 years old, newly married as well as newly pregnant. Several months later on our way to the local hospital to give birth. My “water broke” labor pains had started.
We arrived at hospital. The nurses took one look at me and rushed me up to a delivery room.
An hour later Baby Girl A arrived looking like a little alien. The doctor was puzzled until he checked on me and declared “There is another baby in there 6 minutes later Baby Girl B arrived!
Needless to say everyone was shocked!
If one lives long enough it is a guarantee one (hopefully) will have at least one unplanned redirection of outlook. It is just natural that as we grow we will hear and become aware of what is happening with both humanity and situations all around us. If we listen and learn with an unbiased mind and be willing to humbly move beyond thinking of just ourselves or our own inner circle then it will naturally cause an unplanned redirection in not just our outlook but hopefully mold us into a kinder and better person than as we grow and age.
When I married, I moved the few miles across the Canadian border. My mail still comes to a US address. Not a huge detour in outlook for me, but huge in eyes of IRS.
Our son recently “came out” which has been a far bigger redirection.
Unexpected redirection…
A few years ago I was married.
I was noble with my husband and I thought my husband was noble with me.
… Guess where this road ends?
To put it in a nutshell: A few years later I managed to divorce him and this brought me the greatest good of all: I got myself back!
I didn’t even know I had lost myself! Take that unplanned redirection!
Pilar
Pilar, I’ve had that same unexpected event that turned into a happy ending. I hadn’t realized how depressed I was until I was free from all the stress.
I’m so glad it worked out for you.
I’ve always avoided the ride share type models, primarily because of their treatment of employees. I know they’re handy, cheap and quick, but at a cost. I live in London so stick to public transport or our black cabs (they are getting ££££!). When they get a decent model and pay the tips, I’ll be all in, but for now, I’ll find a workaround. I can only praise the work ethic of the guy putting in the long hours and doing the ‘less than choice’ trips, good luck to him and his family. We’d be lost without him and his compatriots!
I was a senior in college, looking at grad schools. My mom, who never met a person she couldn’t talk to, complained about my applying to schools across the country. One of the women in the group she led said her son had attended said school and would “be happy” to talk with me about it. I got a rare phone call in the dorm telling me to be home the next weekend as “a nice young man” would be coming by talk to me about his undergrad experience. While I didn’t end up at that school, we did marry 40 years ago – and since both moms set us up, neither one could complain about their kids’s spouse!
So happy you had a terrific experience on the way to your periodontist. My trips there are not usually so happy, ha, ha.
Also I’m thrilled that “Will” is on sale and that I’ll have a chance for the ARC of “Unreliable”.
My redirection happens about every two weeks. I see a couple of providers at a Cancer Partners and Urology Partners practice. I have for the past couple of years been seeing the only Hematologist in town who practices there, and am being treated for anemia. I am now seeing a urologist too. My issues have been going on for a while and will undoubtedly continue, which is a pain in the buns. But every time I go to this center I see all the cancer patients there, I am oh so grateful I am not going through their struggles. My heart goes out to them every time I’m at that center.
Thank goodness your dentist appt. went well. What an eye opening ride share experience you had. On a different note, I am loving the Lord Julian books!! This is such a great series, loving all the recurring characters and the new mysteries in each book.
Hi Grace!
My son worked for one of those ride share companies while he was in grad school. I’m not sure what the percentage of tips that actually go to the drivers now, but a few years ago the company kept around 25%. Oh and those food delivery companies that promised that their employees make X dollars an hour? Tips were included in factoring the guaranteed hourly pay. A former coworker tried to up his income and shared his dismay when he realized this.
The biggest detour in my life was when I volunteered to take a temporary job assignment in Texas despite years of not even wanting to visit the state. I met my husband of almost 33 years and stayed in Texas.
I am constantly running into people who ”make my day” for a variety of reasons. I also have had some encounters of the opposite types “that which doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” I have to work hard sometimes to keep my thoughts on the uplifting side. My main strategy is to find some out there and “make their day” if I can.
Ride sharing apps have become a necessity, although I agree with all the points you brought up. Several months ago, we used a ride sharing app to get round in New York City. It was my first time there and I wanted to stay above ground and see what was passing by. All the drivers we had were relatively new immigrants and they were all absolutely lovely. One man serenaded us with a beautiful song in French! Can’t get that everywhere!
I would love to be on your ARC list for A Gentleman of Unreliable Honor. I’ll never get enough of Lord Julian. Thanks ever so much!
Any dentist story reminds me of the best most dreaded day I had in 2006. I was teaching high school, our son had left for college for his second year, I had finished a master’s degree and was ready to put it to use when a job opening in
my new field appeared at a college about an hour from our home. I applied and they set up a job interview on a day we were out of school and the same day as my dreaded dental appointment in the same town. The job interview was going well, the first I’d experienced with a “team” of individuals, and then they asked me the question, “Are you nervous about this interview?” I thought for just a moment and answered them, “Actually, I have a dental appointment after this interview and I’m much more worried about that than this interview! Just about anything that happens during this time worries me less than a dentist looking for problems in my mouth!” They laughed. I laughed. And then they offered me the job! And it turned out to be a great job I loved for 8 years.
When I married, I pretty much gave over my own job ambitions, which were not really formed yet, to my husband’s. We moved within Texas a few times but it was the big move to NE Ohio where I balked. I did not want to go. But after a few years in which we made friends and I got a decent job, as opposed to a crappy one, I really enjoyed living there. And I enjoyed living in Minnesota after that. And then back to Houston where I began. The funny thing was I really wanted to move somewhere else new, not back to where I started. We’re all retired now and I told my husband I was going to pick out a place to move to of my own choosing. I did, we moved, and I live here fulltime while my husband splits his time between here and Texas.
I helped settle a Syrian refugee family in Connecticut. They were very young and come with their 29 month old daughter. Speaking very little English,needing a great deal of dental and medical care.Also subjected to peoples mis understanding of the Muslim religion.
Within 7 years they have added two beautiful children to their families, gotten better jobs and even bought a house! The true American dream!
They are now trying to to sponsor their parents. Who must give up their business and land to come to our land of freedom! It is good for us as Americans not to take our freedoms for granted!
Ps I love all your books!
Redirection of outlook – I majored in every major in the business school at my university except Accounting. Now I’m a CPA and I love it! Can’t wait for the new ARC
I enjoyed reading your story immensely, and was shocked at how unfair the ride-share business model is. It is just wrong that this is allowed to happen in this country.
I am sitting in the passenger seat for a lot of life redirection. My husband is the main source of income (I work full-time, but gave up tech, and now make a lot less than he does), and he wanted to move to the Northeast. I have no problem moving to the Northeast, but his job is still technically in the Midwest. So, lots of hijinks and shenanigan’s ensued to get him a fully remote position (though it has a hard stop in 3 years). After that, we’ll still be in the Northeast, and the job will be, um, not here. Whee. The destination is very worthy and lovely and quiet and all we wanted, except for, you know, long-term job security.
Glad you had a good experience with the dentist….that is something I always dread.
I’ve been fortunate to hear similar stories from our recent immigrants who were drivers. I always feel inspired and realize there are so many things I take for granted. Last year at this time I was looking for a job after taking a loooong break to focus on family. There were several roles which seemed perfect and I was very close but wasn’t hired. Don’t you hate being the second choice after going through a long interview process? Anyhow, my search took much longer than expected until I finally started a job in May. I love my new role and realize now that those other roles weren’t as perfect as I thought. I also treasure the extra time with family. I’m so grateful for the detour now!
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