In the past year I’ve lost a tooth, some muscle mass, several pairs of reading glasses, and two gloves from two different sets of gloves, the right glove in both cases…. among other things. The upper frequency range of my hearing is getting a bit dodgy, and I have absolutely parted ways with what little interest I ever had in social media.
Focusing on what’s fading, what’s been destroyed, what’s on the verge of expiring is tempting, because the losses are real and sometimes painful, but I’ve also noticed some gains.
I’ve gained some detachment, which is not the same thing at all as indifference. I see the news, I hear the neighborhood squabbles, I watch industry experts disagree on why the sky is falling (though the publishing clouds seem to be at about the same altitude to me), and I am more able to say, “All very interesting, and much of this is alarming if true. I 
will do what I can to support the people and values I believe in, but it’s time for bed now, and Loretta Chase has a new Disgraceful Duke. The good fight will have to wait until morning for further contributions from moi.”
And then I go up to bed with His Grace of Blackwell (or Oliver Twist or Alexander von Humboldt), and get my forty winks (unless the moon is full).
Some of this detachment is a product of the pandemic, when we all overdosed on anxiety despite every effort to the contrary. Some of it is age. For better, worse, or in-between, the show will be going on without me one of these years, and long before that, I will have ceased to be the boss of anybody, probably even the boss of myself. Detachment will come in handy as those developments manifest.
Another gain is more diplomacy. I am better able to say the nice things and mean them, rather than preface them with my wishes, opinions, prognostications, and caveats. All babies are wonderful, and that part about resembling Winston Churchill really doesn’t need to be aired. Every aspiring author deserves encouragement, no matter how small I think the audience might be for Amish dinosaur menage. Fresh homemade cookies are 
almost never a bad idea, thank you (even if they have raisins, coconut, and almonds in them, which some people must like because look at all those recipes, really).
My sisters excel at this kind of tact, so I have good role models for it, and when I have been the recipient of kind, supportive words, I am invariably grateful. As time goes on, I think I am getting better at being a nice old lady, and that just might be a superpower.
Are you acquiring any nascent superpowers? Would you like to start on one?
PS: In case I have not bombarded every corner of the reader-verse with the news, Lord Julian’s eighth mystery, A Gentleman of Sinister Schemes, has hit the shelves.
Not to be undiplomatic, but I believe it’s the Duke of BlackWOOD who is inconvenient. Clearly, I’m not progressing as well as I ought in that category even though I think I am roughly your age. I have become, however, generally more tolerant of other’s foibles (except perhaps my husband’s penchant for leaving jammy knives on the kitchen counter), and I left Instagram years ago when it was purchased by Facebook (now Meta). Alas, none of the above can really count as superpowers.
Just started reading about His Disgraceful Grace after dinner but am getting ready to settle in for a few hours of enjoyment after I check in with you, Grace. I’m not getting better at being a “nice old lady” but am getting to be a quieter old lady. That is, I don’t say everything I think even if I think it would be helpful to the recipient, because I’m finally learning that many other people don’t want to learn new things (which is very strange to me as I always want to know more). I am protecting myself mostly by avoiding those people who I know will upset me and, yes, that includes some members of my own family with whom I share only blood and a bit of common history. I have a very hard time with the concept of “let it go” about things that really matter to me, so avoidance works best for me. I am also trying to wean myself from the news but it’s harder since I am very interested in what’s going on. I’m thinking of trying BBC News for a while in the hopes it will be calmer.
I can feel the detachment you are talking about. One more thing I’ve noticed in myself is the recognition that even if I disagree with some actions or choices of groups I belong to, I don’t want to be in a leadership role anymore so it’s my turn to not comment. I still have a hard time letting go of my treasured bits of stuff. I also seem to be able to recognize performance outrage better than I used to. I want everyone to just not fall for all the alarmist exaggeration on all sides.
I am venturing into the little old lady status. I have more patience for work squabbles and rather enjoy how the one upmanship dramas play out. I see the same thing at dog shows and within my club and ignore it. I smile and nod when my husband and daughter are in bad moods- one is crabby the other is stressed.
My super power?
My Sunday nap on the couch with Gregory the corgi. I wake up relaxed and able to start the week.
I am enjoying Lord Julian’s new adventure!
I loved this column! Getting older is not for sissies or so I’ve been told. It is easy to focus on the losses. The stiff knees and forgetfulness. I retired from teaching last year and am learning to just relax. So much free time, but I get to fill it how I want. At first, I felt guilty, but I’m getting past that and thinking about my options. A book club, exercise class, and some travel are great options. Going from a schedule so tight that I had no energy or time to a plethora of choices. So my new superpower is just to relax and enjoy.
I think I am also on a diplomacy gaining ageing journey. The aches and pains are going with me on the journey, but I am tremendously enjoying the perspective and distance, what you have perfectly summed up as detachment. Not a moment too soon. When I was growing up, there was the daily paper, but many just subscribed to the Sunday paper for the week’s roundup. You could watch the news more than once a day, but most didn’t. It doesn’t help me or anyone else if I am constantly checking the news, I am on a “morning paper” schedule. I may scale down from there, I have nothing to gain from instantly knowing about pain, suffering, and cruelty, it will still be there in the morning. I’m focusing on caring for others and getting involved with organizations that do the work I value and donating to those fighting the good fight. I think I would have been stuck in anxiety/fear/rage at other stages of life that drained me but didn’t put anything good out into the world. Instead of reacting emotionally, I am doing what good I can and making sure I am enjoying the sunsets and laughing with my friends too.
My Superpower goal is compassion. Time will tell if it pans out, but I am giving it my best shot.
“ Amish dinosaur menage” made me chortle out loud! So awesome.
I think that sense of, not really detachment, but a sense of the proportion of issues, is a marvelous thing to gain as we age! I just wish that wisdom has started decades earlier, but better late than never, I suppose.
I’m not sure I’m getting any more tactful or tolerant, but I am getting better at playing a long game. And occasionally at voicing some of the opinions that would distress my 90 yr old mom but need to be said. Oh, and the new cover for your Elusive Earl is great. Looking forward to reading his story,too.
I too am facing “old lady” transformation. My hearing loss is midrange which means I can hear people talking but I can’t understand what they are saying. The list goes on but who needs my details.
Re: Super Powers – I have become profoundly aware of humanity aka “massive flaws” I am aware of a long list of things I would like to improve related to my attempts at positive interactions with people. Sometimes I get it right and it feels wonderful. Lots of times I get it wrong and feel down. I have 2 etched rings, one says “Listen” and the other says “wonder why.” That doesn’t help all my social troubles, but it’s a strong base.
For years now I have transcended the human condition which is in its many forms trying to userp our inner peace and freedom
I basically exist in the world but not part of it especially when everything seems to being going crazy. Yes I read the outer world stuff but don’t get involved in all the dramas but decided to live in peace love and harmony in my spiritual commitment to LIFE , and of course read Grace Burrows. Thank you Grace I love your books. ♥️
As I’ve reached the ripe old age of 73, one interesting realization has hit me. I am much “younger” than my parents were at my age, and even decades before! I like to think of that as my “superpower!” I remember my Mom acting like an old lady at age 50-something when we went on a long vacation and met many of our relatives. Even when I married in my early twenties, Mom bought me house dresses, as if the mere act of marrying would turn me into an old housewife! She declared that, at my advanced age, long hair was just “not done.” And yet, here I am at 73, taking Tai Chi, Fitness classes, and playing Pickleball every week, long hair and all. I am active in my local senior center, assisting at events and doing graphic design work. I throw parties for dear friends every month, doing all the cooking and prep work. I am not content to sit and veg, like my parents did at my age, watching game shows for hours on end every day. I remain, and hope to for as long as possible, involved in life. Yes, I have more aches and pains than a few years ago. Yes, I take more medications than I ever thought to, but they keep me going and I stopped fighting that years ago. But I refuse to give in before I am forced to. That is my super power! Stay safe. Stay well everyone!
“Nascent superpowers…” the thing that distinguishes you from other romance writers is your creative mastery of the English language.
This sounds like a touch of depression. I feel more than depressed with what is happening in our world of so called Rule of Law. I understand this is not a place to gripe but sometimes as I wait for my preorder of A Gentleman of Sinister Schemes, I wonder if I will be able to spend a few hours forgetting about today’s problems and simply enjoy a touch of fun and history with Sir Julian.
I do hope you are feeling better and I will keep you in healing thoughts and prayers.
“Grandma” will be your superpower? Makes a person think.
I understand. It is hard to get too upset over anything at my age. I figure, this too will pass. I find myself reading much more than watching TV. I read a minimal amount of news. I wouldn’t say I’ve reached a plateau of don’t give a damn, more like there’s not much I can do about it.
It’s been a while since I checked the blog; I have been tearing through the Mischief in Mayfair series. Thank you for something sincere and kind to read. It is such a comfort right now.
I hope you’re well.
Just wanted to drop in to say I love reading everything you write including your blog.
My hearing is also not great – I’ve lost about 30% of it and didn’t even notice. I also didn’t notice the ringing in my ears until the doctor asked me if I had it. I just thought it was background noise.
My balance is not great, and neither is my memory. However, I will be fully retired at the end of this month after 42 years of service, and have found that I am busy enough taking care of our dog and multiple cats. The human household also includes my husband and our son whom we had at age 40. I keep my mind sharp(ish) by reading and I also regularly write reviews.
I like to think that I am less judgmental than I used to be.