I have plowed my way into what I call a compression phase, when the to-do’s pile up, the unforeseen must-do’s crowd in, and it’s an especially good idea (and hard) to stay organized. I knew I was ramping up efforts in the certified therapeutic riding instructor direction, and I knew I had teaching-how-to-write gigs in early April and late May. (I am not at all sure how I ended up with book releases back to back in April and May, though. Very puzzling.)
I did not know yard guy and I would part ways, and that I’d have to acquire, learn how to wrangle, and build into the schedule use of, a riding mower, blower, and weed whacker (all electric because I said so). This will doubtless change how I look at my flower gardening this year (perennials, here I come), but the weeds will come along in fine style no matter what I do. I own a very fertile two acres.
And then allergy season turned into, “Caught you a virus, sister,” season. Then the internet service provider (the one available where I live) crapped out and we have no word when service will be restored. Thank the heavenly powers for the ability to hotspot from my iPhone.
All of which is to say, things are busy, and except for the bug I caught, busy in a pretty good way. I’m doing the stuff I love to do (writing first thing most days; the occasional lunch with writing, horsing, or life buddies; ending each day with good reading). The yard work is something I used to do and can enjoy again, now that I have the right tools. The instructor certification process has taught me a lot and put me in the company of wonderful horses and great people.
BUT as I make my to-do lists every night, I’m feeling a little daunted. Those lists are long, and they are getting that hyper-detailed, don’t-forget-anything quality that suggests anxiety and overwhelm. Boo, hiss, wurra, wurra on anxiety and overwhelm. Those monsters tend to be very bad for the writing, I must not let them rule the day.
So I started making another list, and in the grand tradition this one has five things on it. This is my “For You,” list. I put on it small gestures and moments I can build into the day that send the message: You’re fine. There’s time for you to take care of yourself. No need to push any harder.
Stuff like: Linger in the shower for an extra couple minutes. Pick a bouquet of yard flowers for the bathroom. Have one of those cups of tea just sitting on the porch steps talking to the cats. Stop at the battlefield overlook on your way home from lunch and just breathe for a few minutes. Post something that encourages another writer (because when we are kind, WE feel empowered, and well we should).
I might not hit everything on the For You list, but even looking for the places in my day where I can pull over and pause makes the rest of my activity feel less like an obstacle course to be completed, day after day.
What are a few little moments you could add to your day if it feels like the to-do list is stealing your confidence and peace?
I don’t currently have any (or very many) days where I am overwhelmed because I am retired and I plan my calendar (ok, mostly medical appointments) to have space. But I have had times of “too-much-to-do-and-I-cannot-deal” and generally my moments involve picking up a book to read and escaping into another world. Even a chapter can help. I also sometimes pick up a solitaire or sudoku game on my phone, since I can complete them in a short amount of time and, again, they take me into another world. I feel very lucky to be at this stage of my life (though I could live without the attendant aches and pains).
Books have always given my breathing room too. Works whether I’m reading them or writing them!
I have two to do lists going. One is work and that’s fairly simple because it gets done in the order it comes in. Mostly. My house to do list is lengthening as more and more things become difficult for me to do.
I escape into a book frequently, yours, or a bath. Or making lace. A crafty hobby helps distance oneself from annoying reality.
My house seems to get dirtier faster over time. If I can’t get after the big stuff, then I try to attack micro-chores. The little five-minutes re-sets that make a visual or olfactory difference. For the big stuff, I have to get psyched and plan rewards, because one big chore will use all my spoons for the day.
That For You list is such a good idea!
Next time I get on the path to overwhelmed I’m going to try it.
And suggest it to all your overwhelmed friends!
I am home on medical leave- reconstruction surgery part #2. I felt better day 3 and started my list making.
My doctor wants me to walk so I walked the neighborhood with my friend….so that’s #1 on the list.
Taking Greg out on a short walk is #2 and so forth. #3 I am not going to feel guilty if I nap.
The For me list starts tomorrow… when I get to the beach this week. I plan to watch the water and take a deep breath and enjoy the moment, I am going to enjoy my time home with Gregory, read some books and appreciate the birds when I have coffee.
I am hoping to make these goals by weeksend.
List making works for me…it helps me not to be overwhelmed.
The For Me list is a great idea!
Is there any place more inherently healing than the seaside? I like the New England shore much better than the SoCal variety. I wish you all the sun and mild breezes and lots of peaceful thoughts! (And a treat for Greg, too, of course.)
Lovely article, and so positive, Grace.
Thank you for sharing your ideas.
And I will meditate on how to be nicer to myself.
What you said! And it doesn’t have to big stuff. I think small and frequent might reassure me more than great big singular indulgences.
Skin care, YouTube videos, long letters to the mother of my BFF from first grade who sends beautiful cards & tidbits of wisdom/encouragement in return, pampering my pot plants who still manage to acquire weeds just sitting on my porch!! But my lavender has bloomed for a month now & my jasmine looks like a fragrant cloud so they love me anyway.
I have a skid steer clearing the mess my yard turned into after all my landscaping died & resodding happening next week to keep my hill from washing away any further after the skid scrapes it back into place. So I’m feeling your pain, but know my limitations.
Sorry to miss you at the conference, but I’m wrong end of the state & hotels are NOT on the budget given my yard reconstruction pain. I’m not sure good & TP are on the budget given the way things are, but waiting won’t make it any cheaper & it’s only going to get hotter.
Oh, we’re walking the same walk. If I’m ever bankrupt, it will be because the tree removal services finally finished me off.
I hear you on overload and hyper-detailed lists! You’re setting a great example for looking at things (like suddenly having to do the yard work) in a glass-half-full kind of way. (I’m very bad at that, although I keep working at it.)
Definitely cups of tea – the whole ritual: choosing and sniffing the tea, swirling hot water in the pot before filling, plucking raw sugar cubes from the bowl with the little tongs my son bought me in Japan. Sip slowly. Another luxury: while drinking tea, read a book at the beginning of the day rather than cramming it in at the end if I have time. Ditto with calling a friend/loved one. Cuddle with my cat. One of them loves to snuggle and purrs loudly in my ear as she drapes herself over my shoulder like a baby. Really LOOK AT the flowers I splurged on at the grocery store.
Wishing you, and all of your lovely readers, some of those peaceful moments!
Judy
You know how to relax. This is a gift. Also, you raised a wonderful son.
I try to make the things that are important to me a priority. The pets will get fed, and I’ll do the grocery shopping for pets and family (cats=17, dog=1, family=3). For myself, I make time to read some every day. I’ve just finished The Elusive Earl and enjoyed the mystery and the romance immensely.
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I don’t do the cooking. I do most of the laundry and put it up. I work part time (am partly retired and expect to be free! from work very soon). My husband is retired. There are three adults in the house and we all mostly take care of ourselves.
Blessings on you for taking on that many cats. They are my companions of choice. Quiet, beautiful, occasionally playful, and good communicators, in their way.
I love the idea of a special self-care to do list. I reward myself with some puzzles for reading the news in the morning (and leaving it be the rest of the day). Tea and reading after meals to relax. Bonus points for eating on the porch if the weather is good. Maybe this will inspire me to be a little more creative and add more options for a to do list!
You are to be commended for keeping the news in a box, and not letting it contaminate especially the nighty-nighty hours. I also think it’s brilliant that you have something fun and absorbing to do immediately after the news so you have an incentive to stop scrolling. I am a daily visitor to jigsawexplorer. com, and when I am down and disgusted, I’ll do a half dozen puzzles at a stretch.
To reduce the feeling of being overwhelmed by to-do’s, I suggest 1) Pause. Ruthlessly reconsider all the stuff on the to-do-or-die-trying-list. 2) Push the non-urgent tasks off for another day. (If it’s important enough you’ll think of it later. 3) Just take a walk around the yard. Listen to birds, touch the new grass, really focus on the beauty rather than the weeds that need pulling. 4) Stroke your pets and croon to them.
Sumbuddy knows what of what she speaks!
Well, rats. I started a poetic and insightful response about Just For Me moments, but needed to make a bathroom call, and came back to a blank screen. That’s what I get for trying to write beginning at 4:30 am on a sleepless night.
Anyway, a lovely and thought provoking entry, Grace. I’ll save the bits and pieces of my loquacious comment for another time. Thank you, though, for the reminder of incorporating JFM moments that aren’t ‘Pick up prescription @ CVS’ on the to-do list.
Wishing you joy, Grace!
Mary, that was Providence telling you to put on wonderful old movie and then enjoy the sunrise, and I’m sure you will bestow upon us the most lyrical, expressive, insightful comment one of these weeks.
I needed this post today. Things have been so overwhelming with everything going on + the finals season at work. I’m petrified that I’m going to forget something in the mountain of grading.
Five things:
I need to drink water.
I need to put on a cozy hoodie.
I need to stretch.
I need to find some quiet time.
I need to bring a comfy pillow into the living room so I am not crunching my spine into a ball.
Thanks, Grace. <3
Isn’t it amazing how important–and easily neglected–hydration is? Wouldn’t you know it, that concept figures in Lord Julian’s very next investigation. Great minds…!
Being retired, I don’t really have compression issues, more like procrastinating issues. If I need to de-stress there is nothing like a good book or TV show and an alcoholic beverage of some kind. I’m leaning towards G&Ts these warmer days.
I’m a white Russian fan myself, though mimosas are nice, as are pretty, icy daiquiris… oh, now you have my jonesing for a Big Girl drink!
I make a point of going out into my garden at least twice a day for peony and rose worship. I guess I should count doing my PT exercises….but they are not fun. Necessary evil for June’s knee replacement! I have every 9ntention of loading up my kindle with all sorts of fun books to keep me company as I recover from that!
Thank you for a lovely post.
Is there anything more heavenly than the scent of peonies or roses? I like jasmine too, but the richer scents are so soothing. Good luck with the knee, and good on you for doing the pre-work. Rehab-You will be very glad Pre-Surg You did the exercises.