I am embarking on a new adventure. Might be a new phase of life, might be a blip on the screen. I did the volunteer training for a therapeutic riding program about thirty minutes from my house. I’ve known of this outfit for years–they are coming up on their five decade anniversary–and they are much closer to me than the barn where I was riding.
On of the concepts shared at the training was HALT. The instructor asked us to run through the acronym mentally when we paused waiting for the driveway gate to swing open. “Ask yourself,” she said, “am I Hungry, Angry, Late or Tired–HALT? If so, just be aware of it, and try to let that go before you walk into the barn and bring that energy into the horses’ space.”
Her assumption is that horses have great emotional radar (I concur), but we humans… we might be very aware of everybody else in the room, but we forget to take time to check in with ourselves.
Erm… Yes, well. My own acronym might be HAWT. I am seldom Late, but I am often Worried. Somebody else might prefer HATS–because Sadness dogs them more than a lack of punctuality.
I recall the exercise of “Stop and do a little emotional inventory,” from way, way back when I was regularly picking up my daughter from daycare. I’d turn off the car in daycare Mom’s driveway and think, “Be done with the office. Forget the meeting where you got talked over again and again. Set aside the deadline you missed. Detach from the frustrations of sitting in traffic. Stop revising the introduction to your presentation. You are a mom now, and delighted to see your child.”
I think many of us mentally suit up before we walk into the office, or use our commutes for a subconscious change in gears. I’m reminded of Sue’s comment last week, about taking a moment just to center before switching into work mode…
I wonder how much more peaceful and focused I’d be if I used the HALT exercise every time I prepare to make an entrance–walking back into my house after a day out and about, tackling the grocery store, venturing into the horse barn, showing up for a body work session, preparing to present a writing webinar.
HALT, HAWT, HATS… I will devote some thought to what my short list of baggage emotions would be, because the notion of regularly inventorying and emptying my saddle bags strikes me as a good habit to get into.
What dead weight chronically fills your emotional saddlebags and where in your day could you take a moment to set those burdens aside?
PS Lord Julian’s third mystery, A Gentleman in Challenging Circumstances, is now up for pre-order. Web store release will be Oct. 24, while the retail outlets will turn him loose Dec. 5.
As I face the possibility of procedure #30 on my body over a lifetime, I’m struggling to get over a bad case of “white coat syndrome” exacerbated by ever-efficient techs & nurses who lunge at me clutching blood pressure cuffs or snap at me to slow down when I firehose them with information, knowing how much has to be crammed into my allotted 15 minutes. I’ve tried everything from deep breathing exercises to mentally conjugating verbs. Best thing I’ve found so far is losing myself in a book, but that won’t work if we go down too many hallways, or I don’t have a few minutes to read once I’m sitting in the chair or in the exam table before I’m attacked with the instruments. Worst of all is when my appointment follows a hellish commute thru traffic. Sigh…
Anxiety is my big one. Often presenting itself in my mind as the endless lists that must be accomplished before the end of day, tomorrow, next week, before school starts again, by Christmas, by NEXT summer… Always the balls in the air. And it doesn’t take much to miss a trick, and the whole constellation of school-work-kids-marriage-family-household-church-pets-friends-on&on&on balls I’ve got moving in formation over my head comes spectacularly crashing down, and the Work, the Time, the Energy to get that circus act up and running again once that happens, lemme tell ya. (I know you know.)
Thing is, anxiety in me can breed short temper, which can manifest as unkindness. And kindness is the virtue I most prize. So when I find that I have been unkind, to one of my children, to my spouse, to the poor dumb dog—yuck, the sense of failure.
Alas, telling an anxious/worried person not to worry, even if you’re telling yourself? Well, you probably know how that goes down.
Being aware helps though. Helps a lot, if only that it allows me to extend more kindness to myself. Great blog post!
Anxiety is mine, too, Ona! Lately, I keep waking up anxious unless it is a day with 0 on the schedule. (Does happen fairly regularly now that I’m retired and pushing 80.) There is, of course, “no reason to be anxious” when this happens 99.9% of the time. As you said though, that is no help to a basically anxious person.
Reading, especially something by Grace (!), helps a lot, but that has to wait for down time. If I can get out of bed and walk out of doors, even if just around a block or two, that is the biggest help; the farther the better.
And there is always DEEP BREATHING!
And I agree completely about kindness. Anxiety tends to make me a lot more irritable which spills over on all those I care most about. So yes, taking a moment to be purposely aware can make a big difference.
:sigh: I wish I knew how to set mine down. I suppose this may count. At night when I go to bed, I remind myself that I may as well stop worrying, as there is nothing I can do about it tonight.
I just read this on Facebook. Wish I knew the author. My biggest regrets in life have not been so much the choices that I made, but what I gave up for it.
Barely the day started and… it’s already six in the evening.
Barely arrived on Monday and it’s already Friday.
… and the month is already over.
… and the year is almost over.
… and already 40, 50 or 60 years of our lives have passed.
… and we realize that we lost our parents, friends.
and we realize it’s too late to go back…
So… Let’s try, despite everything, to enjoy the remaining time…
Let’s keep looking for activities that we like…
Let’s put some color in our grey…
Let’s smile at the little things in life that put balm in our hearts.
And despite everything, we must continue to enjoy with serenity this time we have left. Let’s try to eliminate the afters…
I’m doing it after…
I’ll say after…
I’ll think about it after…
We leave everything for later like ′′ after ′′ is ours.
Because what we don’t understand is that:
Afterwards, the coffee gets cold…
afterwards, priorities change…
Afterwards, the charm is broken…
afterwards, health passes…
Afterwards, the kids grow up…
Afterwards parents get old…
Afterwards, promises are forgotten…
afterwards, the day becomes the night…
afterwards life ends…
And then it’s often too late….
So… Let’s leave nothing for later…
Because still waiting see you later, we can lose the best moments,
the best experiences,
best friends,
the best family…
The day is today… The moment is now…
We are no longer at the age where we can afford to postpone what needs to be done right away.
I am worried about an endless round of doctors appointments facing me I’m the next few months. Some in Boston , some local. I am lucky that my brother is taking me to the Boston appointments and I think I can drive myself to the local ones.
Am tired of tests, needles and waiting for results.
I take time in the morning to clear my mind and reset.
Making a plan helps, asking for help is hard for me.
I try to stay in the present, can’t let myself worry about what I can’t control or change. Corgi hugs and a good book help,
HALT! Boy does that ring a bell! It’s a great acronym to keep in mind before snapping at someone. I am virtually always hungry (or “Hangry” as the kids say), my weight having been a major battle since my teens, over 50 long years ago. The anger isn’t always there, but I have been known to have a short fuse at times. The “L” is less applicable since I am usually so worried about being late, that I overcompensate and arrive everywhere too early. But the “T” is me, big time. I come from a long line of insomniacs and unfortunately have kept up the tradition. I have so much trouble quieting my mind at night. And of course, with age, comes those lovely physical needs of getting up at night to toilet. I do find that meditative breathing, inhale to a count of 4 then exhale to a count of 6 does help, IF I can manage to keep my mind focused and not wander off into bills that need paying, medical issues I’m concerned about, even fun things like dear friends coming over for dinner and what shall I make for dessert that won’t blow everyone’s diet! Maybe my acronym should be “HOT,” for “Hangry, Obsessing, Tired.” Definitely something to mull over—during the day, that is! Stay safe. Stay well everyone!
I was given the experience of trying to direct someone else’s dog to show me that I had to focus on the dog and what I wanted him to do. Every time my mind wandered, that dog did something else. I’ve had horses do the same. It might be possible to diagnose attention deficits in 1/2 hour with a dog! I do have to HALT or whatever to remind myself what I’m doing and why. Frequently.
Tina Ann, my doctor is trying to wean me from the sleeping aids I have used most of my adult life. And, weariness feeds into anxiety feeds into depression for me. We’re making progress. I think.
“Oh, by and by, By and by, I’m gonna lay down this heavy load.”
https://youtu.be/8W59quHJr_A
I think I feel fear, anxiety as well, but I am talking about not feeling safe in the moment. That does not make for good decision making. So HAFT? I try to be more grounded by the time I wake up the kids in the morning, but I think coming up with some other daily landmarks to check in with myself would likely be helpful. I’ll have to think about that, maybe around meals or something reliable like that.
I don’t know if it is thing or not, but just feeling physically very hot can make me very angry, HAFTH?. Maybe it’s an urban legend that crime increases in (Northern summer) August, and I am sure there are many variables if it is true, but I have always thought that made sense- if I were to pick up criminal behaviors I’m sure I’d be very sweaty at the time.
I think I burned myself out on the way to retirement. I didn’t let my diabetes or heart disease get in my way. I just kept plodding along. By the time I retired, I was barely functional. For the past year, all I’ve done is read. I rarely leave the house. I’ll be okay because I’ve given myself the time to recover. Not much in life is a must do.