I’ve had a lot of time to myself over the holidays, which I’ve enjoyed tremendously. My little life, with writing in the morning, horse barn time, errands, socializing, and appointments in the afternoon, and more book work in the evening, is dear and pleasant to me most days. In recent years, if I’m parted from that routine for any length of time, I get into solitude-deficit mode, which is characterized by fretting, dithering, and wheel-spinning.
It took me a while to learn that, yes, I need days at home by myself–lots of them–to keep my emotional and creative balance. I need to get up in the morning knowing the whole marvelous expanse of hours before me is mine, mine, all mine, and I won’t have to get in the car unless I feel like it.
The self-care experts are all for reminding us to eat veggies and exercise and maintain social connections, and don’t forget journaling and yoga and protein (for starts), but the need for isolation from human stimuli doesn’t often make the list. Unplugging is becoming popular, but not hermiting.
I need to hermit. It also took me a while to figure out that if there is a poster child for the inefficiency and futility of multi-tasking, I am that child. Trying to wrangle a text exchange (it’s not a conversation) while coding general ledger items means I will fling a book expense into the parking category. If I’m trying to discuss a fraught issue while saddling a horse, I’ll get the blanket on upside down or take off the bridle I just put on the beast. Ask me how I know this.
The best way for me to get a lot done well and without drama is to hide frequently, go slowly, and proceed one deliberate step at a time. And if I didn’t sleep well last night, expectations must be lowered, period. I don’t think this list represents any diminution in my powers. I’ve always been like this, but earlier in life I was better at compensating with determination and denial, and not as good at being aware of, or organizing life around, what works for me.
Going forward into the new year, I want to be more aware of how much of me is actually a slow twitch creature. I like to write quickly. I love it when a scene just flies onto the screen, snappy repartee, telling details of setting, and romantic subtext all on the first 
go. To get those scenes, though, I have to be on my game, which means walk the to-do lists slowly, walk frequently in solitude, and get plenty of regular rest.
What reminders are you giving yourself as the new year begins? Are you creating any tangible prompts to help keep you moving toward or in your happy place?
PS (Reminder?): Lord Julian’s tenth mystery, A Gentleman in Possession of Secrets, is now available from the web store as an audio book!
I, too, am a person who doesn’t do multi-tasking. I learned that for me there really is no such thing, because what we’re really doing is quickly switching among the tasks. I can concentrate really hard so I literally do not hear the outside world. My partner thinks I jump when he interrupts me because I’m scared, but it’s because I’m just not in the real world so don’t expect to hear from it. (Hopefully that makes sense to somebody besides me.)
I don’t think I have to create any new prompts (well, now I’ve jinxed myself) because I’ve built the needed ones in over the years. Regular tasks pop up in my calendar on the appropriate day and those that are less regular also have been added there. I find it freeing to let technology do what it can do so that I don’t have to. The news feed on yahoo that I see every time I log out of one email and before I log in to another reminds me of other big tasks. For instance, right now articles on income taxes are showing up so I know to start gathering tax items together into a single folder rather than the Medical, Retirement, Donations, etc. folders they go into throughout the year.
P.S. The cat under the box picture makes me happy.
My reminder for 2026 is to take a step back and enjoy the moment, the day, the experience, the conversation.
I am not going to be upset if I miss the traffic light on the way to work, skip vacuuming for a walk, put the laundry aside to pat Greg.
I feel sometimes that I am over scheduled…my time is not my own.bwork, home and doctors appointments.
I had this past week off …I refer to it as my reset week. I read books…thank you for the books…read Lady Joan’s story (again) …loved it, baked and put Christmas away. Time well spent!
I actually enjoy solitude, while my husband is a social butterfly. I can enjoy days of not engaging with other people, so that when I do meet someone, it is a pleasure. If that makes me anti-social, so be it!
This year I decided: New year, new me. I had great plans. But then … nothing, ha, ha.
Today I decided my one goal would be to stop negative self-talk when I don’t accomplish anything that I told myself I would. If there is something that REALLY has to be done, somehow I will do it. All the rest is pie in the sky. I accomplished enough in my working life that I don’t need to stress about things now. Except, of course, to do as much reading as I possibly can. (Thanks, Grace, for helping me with that goal!)
PS ~ Today, The Heir is on for 99¢ at Amazon Canada – yay!
The limited distractions focus on my new phone (got 5 years out of the last) brought sanity to my life. No more spammers & it’s saved my work time from the former colleague who is slowly sliding into failing memory & needing the social workers she had after her last rounds of hospitalizations. We all know the ones – they’re craving human contact & what do you mean your “little hobby” isn’t 9-5? (Ignoring the work required of self-employed if they ever knew it at all). I’ve had to get tough if not rude with those blessed with big pensions loaded with benefits my generation will never know. If they’re not paying my bills, they don’t control my time. I need monastic isolation to function right now & I’m past apologizing for being in survival mode.
Thank you for the freebies. A hearty dose of our Grace’s writing is a real sanity saver at times.
Pat D: My partner and I are the same (I’m the hermit and he’s the butterfly). So far, he’s able to satisfy most of his social needs by doing all the shopping, or his “hunting and gathering” as I refer to it, and I get to be home alone.
My son gifted me a book for keeping track of some of the habits I need to get to the place they don’t stress me out. His copy hangs in his bathroom.
New Years Reminders:
1: Accept myself for who I am physically. I received a rare diagnosis last April that explains much of my frustration and that I am not crazy or just lazy after all.
2: Learn to arrange for the help I need without shame.
3: increase awareness of happiness while it is happening.
4: take a picture of this and put it on the Fridge.
LOVING ONESELF
I was just starting on this post when suddenly I realized that this hermit-ism I share with every introvert person in the world is really pure SELF- LOVE (*) made manifest. (* This self-love is genuine love, nothing to do with a narcissistic attitude, a narcissist is a vampire and needs to be surrounded by people in order to feed off the energy of them).
Probably someone here, as I have believed in the past, would argue that “I don’t love myself, I really would love loving myself but I have not developed this quality and I have this and that failures…” and on and on…
But if you stop berating yourself you’ll find yourself surounded by a profound calm and you’ll realize that this hermit-ism is simply put that the person whose company you like most in the world is …YOURSELF! Who is the person with whom you love to spend most if not all of your time?..Happy or angry, sad or full of joy, it is always YOU the person with whom you like to be all the time…. And what is love if not this joy, this desire to be with one person, for better or worse, most of the time, always…
It has been a revelation for me. I really love to be with myself. I am the person whose company I most enjoy and value and cherish. If you take from me this time with myself I wilt and languish. So I treasure that I love myself. And I will be conscious of this too.
Thank you so much for your Christmas freebies! Holiday novellas (in particular, Regency ones) transport me immediately to my happy place 🙂 If I need a holiday hit in the summer months, I reread one of your Christmas-themed books. You’re my top recommendation to all my Christmassy friends and Regency lovers.
For me, the act of opening a word document is the hardest part of the writing process. In the back of my head, I know – I KNOW – that I just have to open the damned thing, but the actual act of CLICKING on my recent files? You’d think I was attempting to scale Everest. Having deadlines is always helpful – submitting for a contest or completing something during NANOWRIMO. But with no hard deadline prodding me, I can exercise instead (something that younger me would NEVER believe), or clean the dishwasher filter, or play all the NY Times Games.
While Regency Romance is my preferred reading genre, my writing leans heavily into contemporary rom-coms. Until I was hunting for an agent and then publisher, I had no idea that Christmas rom-coms were usually reserved for tried-and-true authors. And yet, when there’s another holiday novella contest, I find I can’t resist.
Meshing creative with the business side of any career (directing, acting, writing) is always challenging. But for writing? The labor involved is… what’s more laborious than laborious? It took six months to sign with an agent. And then, sadly, shortly after I found her – she wound up with Long Covid and I was released from our contract. Contemplating another agent hunt made my brain hurt, so I took the leap and self-published. The attending marketing for self-publishing is a labyrinth where all the directions, fittingly, seem to be in Greek 😉
That said, I’ve started leaving a sticky note on my laptop.
“DON’T BE A WUSS. OPEN THE DOCUMENT.”
I also need time alone and since it is in short supply I need to remind myself that it is essential and I’m allowed to bump more “productive” things to grab it.
My goal this year is to read as much as I can of my tbr. I’m so excited!
Hi there, This is so “me” that I just have to enter it in my commonplace book! ( giving you the credit of course) so that I can look back when I need to get in touch with myself -again! Thank you.
Dear Grace,
I enjoyed your blog very much. I can relate to your need to work alone and how your alone time is necessary. Quiet is important, not being scattered and trying to multi-task all the time is critical to mental health as well as creativity. Happy New Year to you!