Mom and I in Ireland ca 1981.
My mother was an aggressively competent housekeeper and cook. She mitered the corners of our bed sheets, ironed our pillowcases (in a precise sequence of folds so the pillowcase only had to be turned over once), and had dinner on the table every night at 6 pm, for a household that for years included at least nine people.
I thought she was a little nuts. Ironing pillow cases? If you make your bed without a lot of frills nobody sees that pillowcase, and if it stays on the bed for more than one night, it gets all wrinkly. Why in the world…? She tried to show me how to miter corners on sheets, and I asked her why bother doing it that way?
Her answer: If you’re ever in the army you’ll have to know how to do it exactly like this.
Me to myself: Welp, guess I won’t be enlisting, will I?
Mom and Dad in retirement
As I grew older (and less snarky?), I realized how very, very little agency my mother had compared to me. She was a registered nurse, but “had” to quit nursing when she got married, because nurses were not allowed to be married. Huh? She could only use credit cards in my dad’s name. She never learned how to figure a 15% tip, she ran the household on the budget my dad allotted to her. She had no checking or savings account in her own name. She was so painfully Catholic that the only birth control she’d use was rhythm, and that was apparently ineffective.
All she had was that house and that kitchen, so she made the tastiest, most comfy, inviting lemonade she could out of it. I have been thinking about Mom (and all the moms) this week, as I have felt overwhelmed by world events. Her generation dealt with the aftermath of WWI, the Great Depression, WWII, Korea, McCarthyism… they sent grown children off to Vietnam, endured the assassinations and violence of the 60s, watched Watergate unfold… How often did Mom feel as if she was powerless to do a 
stinkin’ thing about a world run amok?’
But she put together great meals, was the surrogate mom to the grad students far from home, always had time to visit with the neighbors, and was always willing to get up and dance for joy. Maybe she was a little nuts, but she was also resilient, resourceful, and for the most part, lots of fun.
Her example inspires me. I am no sort of cook and my house is a roofed campsite. What I can do is go on walks, where I express thanks for the birds, flowers, clean air, bugs (even the bugs), the sound of water in the stream, the scent of mowed grass, the quiet, the freedom to walk at mid-afternoon, the ability to walk…
The world does not suddenly right itself if I go on a thank-you-birds walk, or if I bring cookies to the barn, or plant a flat of pansies by the mailboxes, but I am a little righted, and that is an excellent place to start.
Mom ironed pillowcases, I plant pansies that won’t last but a few weeks. How are you keeping your balance these days?
PS: Final cover for A Gentleman of Modest Ambitions!
As an overly dedicated reader, I am mostly reading. I did, however, sit glued to the TV to watch the entirety of the Artemis II splashdown. I had also seen it launch–that is, here in Central West Florida I ran outside just before lift-off to catch sight of the contrails as it soared into space (I’ve seen a few other launch contrails over the years and one year was actually at Cape Canaveral for a night-time launch in the 1980s. Due to the darkness, it was very bright and loud, too.) I also took advantage of my still-active subscription from the Winter Olympics and binge-watched “Shrinking.” Turns out it’s by the guy who did “Ted Lasso” so I’m not surprised I enjoyed it (well, that and the fact that I lived in LA for over 15 years so was also being homesick). And, most of all, I’ve cut back even more on my news watching as just seeing it makes me feel very unbalanced. I haven’t quite reached ostrich status, however.
Artemis II has been a real joy: Science, team work, the public good, our beautiful planet all front and center for ten days.
Keeping my balance? I find that I am mostly horizontal these days. Total ennui. I don’t want to get out of bed, I don’t want to go outside, I just don’t. I make plans but don’t follow through. Bleah. Husband will be back tomorrow so maybe his presence will help dissolve this miasma. I am enjoying all the flowers blooming right now, and the dogwoods just started.
I can play solitaire by the hour these days if I let myself. I usually do not let myself–she who does not write cannot afford cat food and so forth–but every so often there’s a day when physical, mental, and emotional engines all stall out at once. If it goes on too long, I set micro-goals–one chore, one mile walked, one flower bed weeded, one patch of floor scrubbed–so I get some sense of forward momentum. I will wish for you engines that start humming along in the near future, Pat, and good rest until then.
Sticking to my routine helps me keep in balance…. Even though the routine is changing! LOL!
I try to read for 20 minutes (when I work from home) before logging in.
I know I need to walk before work now that it’s warmer.
I read before bed too.
Cleaning the kitchen counters and sink… makes me feel better.. less clutter & empty sink.
Grooming the dogs – has benefits
I spend time with them, they get brushed and it is a calming .. brushing.
I saw daffodils today… spring is trying to spring in Massachusetts!
A friend who has cooked professionally always wipes down her kitchen counters and makes sure the sink is empty and clean before bed. She says coming down to a dirty kitchen in the morning would just get her whole day off on the wrong foot. Hmm.
Hello again Grace. I’ve been reading buy not posting for a while now.
How to keep balance in the current circus…. I limit my exposure to news although here in Canada there is some relief, ie some other news besides what bombards south of me. But it is not possible to ignore it. as one of our former Prime Minister said When you live next to next to an elephant….
I have been binge reading too. Mostly things I’ve already read so I know the ending and I’m not going to be nastily surprised. And largely happily ever afters and science fiction /fantasy. What a friend of mine called mind candy. A.k.a. escapists fiction.
Also watching the snow melt slowly, although I have a few green spears showing in my garden in the warmest spot I just hope the squirrels don’t notice them too.
Thank you for your blogs and for your books Mary
Mary, you are welcome! I go through my week a little more alert and observant–of my inner and outer lives–because I know I have a blog post to compose at week’s end. I like that.
I got through the pandemic re-reading Mary Balogh (Canadian!-well, Welsh Canadian?). Her Slightly series never disappoints. I wish you did not have to live next to the elephant, especially lately, but please consider that a huge economic market and big population is one measure of size. Huge heart and terrific common sense, which seems to characterize Canada, is another, more significant, kind of size. May the spirit of the moose and maple leaf carry the day!
Keeping in mind the world is still turning,with a struggle. I still have a great friend who takescare of when in need. I believe the Almighty does have control , even when we have “crazies” in control and the birds are singing even with the drought that creeps into Maryland. And last but not least I have a good left hand and arm to use while the right is on vacation. I am happy to be alive.
Reply to Mary in Canada please know we don’t respect or like the elephant keeps us in your prayers. It is great so many of us in the world love our authors Burrows and Balogh !
I do the same as Mary, reread books mainly yours but others, too, avoid the news mostly, try to really enjoy things like sumo oranges, good honey, and sunsets. I am spending quality time with gardening catalogs.
No ironed pillow cases but a few ironed napkins.
I have become very particular about my honey in recent years. Has to be local, and no bitterness… I could go on!
It sometimes seems a little lame not to have a talent, a purpose, a holy calling, but your mother, Grace, obviously did what she could in her space. I wish I could say the same about myself. (My mother defies description. Always has.)
A local woman was asked if she weren’t afraid for her soul when she left her husband and her fellowship. Her response, “I’m afraid for my sanity.”
So I have seedlings on the buffet. I will try to keep them alive to plant out. It’s the planning and planting part I enjoy. It looks like I will have petunias to share. Maybe snapdragons. And I have just finished re-reading Anne Gracie’s Devil Rider series in order as she has published another in the series.
You are reminding me: Time to start my morning glories. They look absolutely fabulous twining all over my front porch, but somebody has to PLANT THEM, Grace.
My jasmine is blooming on my trellises with the whirling pinwheels on top, along with my potted lavender & porch roses. Gambled on when to fertilize given our weather is off this year with highs in the 80s followed by 50s & back again. So that effort succeeded.
Letting audiobooks lull me to sleep. Sweet dreams follow if it’s a favorite I’ve read before. Yay for Dreadful Duke being available for preorder!
Normally do lengthy letters to my first grade BFF’s 90 year old mom who scribbles likewise to me, but she’s on hiatus while her daughter packs her up & moves her to a nearby facility so they’re only 15 minutes apart rather trying to continue 2 state apart commutes. Good call by on top of things daughter, but hard on her mom to switch states after decades of being settled. I’m looking forward to her new address so we can resume our correspondence. I’m never too old to skip the nuggets of wisdom acquired by a nimble mind approaching a century on the planet. Plus enjoying her wicked sense of humor.
A pen pal… how many of us would benefit from an epistolary friendship, but we never consider the notion?
Of all things, taking a group of 8th grade boys to the art museum was so grounding. They discovered amazing details in 19th oils, discussed what worked and didn’t work for them, asked for photos of favorites to look at later(only the gray-haired ones were allowed phones on this trip). We spent 2 hrs with Western art… They are excruciatingly aware of current events, but can leave it outside the room. I’m trying to learn from them.
For years, I lugged around Jansen’s History of Art, which I had to buy for a college survey class, and kept because it was just so luscious. I probably pawned it in a desperate month, but yes… ART. Music. Crafts. Creativity!!!
My balance is definitely maintained by exercise and spending time with friends. A Saturday morning Parkrun/(walk) and coffee after with friends combines this beautifully. I like your flat of pansies by the mailbox idea. I’ve just returned from a week in Tokyo where just about every house and apartment block has a few pots of colour out on the front steps. Obviously lovingly maintained by their owners. A delight for them and passersby.
There are four mailboxes in my yard, and I consider it my dooty to keep them looking cheery. Crocuses, pansies, tulips… anything for a spot of color when the weather permits. And then come the hanging baskets on the porch, and, and and…
For decades I had flannel sheets on my bed and only had to smooth the pillowcases to have them looking good. But then recently I bought some lovely cotton supima sheets that wrinkled. I get annoyed having to pull out my ironing board, but the sight of lovely, smooth pillow cases on my bed makes it all worth while.
As always, reading historical (and some modern) romance lets me escape the world at large and allows me to retreat to a place where problems are worked out and there are universally happy endings. I’m finding, like Mary D, that while I seek out recent titles, I’ve been getting more pleasure out of old favourites.
Saturday was the 1st day in my garden this Spring. Yaaaay!!!
I bought soil, got it on the cart. Into my car, into the wheel barrel, on to the ground where I wanted it. Took a break. Shoveled dirt around plants.
Felt great when I came inside. Hands in the dirt, exercise, serotonin Yaaaay.
In the garden, planning the garden, watching happy movies and teaching art to seniors, who are so much wiser then myself. Laughing ,
Ignoring the elephant.
Humans were not built to morn for the whole world. Fantasizing about a cottage with a walled garden in England, loving my cats, baking for the week and hoping we survive the rest of this term.
Gardens are hope.
I do not attend to news in any sort of detail. I dote on my dogs, I work on my communication skills when interacting with friends…
In other words I am trying to live very simply.
Keeping in mind the world is still turning,with a struggle. I still have a great friend who takescare of when in need. I believe the Almighty does have control , even when we have “crazies” in control and the birds are singing even with the drought that creeps into Maryland. And last but not least I have a good left hand and arm to use while the right is on vacation. I am happy to be alive.