I know some things about myself.
For example, I enjoy public speaking, but I don’t enjoy being in a crowd. The idea of cramming myself into a space with tens of thousands of other people–your basic college football game or rock concert–is a hard no for me. I’d manage well enough, but the experience would take a toll in lingering anxiety, broken sleep, scattered focus, and low mood.
The same symptoms befall me when I can’t have fairly consistent slow mornings. For me that means I don’t have to be anywhere before about 1 pm. I can have solitude and unstructured time before noon. My morning might be busy–plant the dahlias, write 2500 words, run three loads of wash, tote up last month’s sales, and so forth–but how I get all the things done is up to me, and I’m not interrupted as I putter from flowerbeds to laundry room to writing desk.
I worry that when a neighbor does drop by unannounced, my body language and micro-expressions are all telegraphing, “Please go away now.” In the usual case, I can roll with the distractions, have a nice chat, and get back to my pothering, but if I plan poorly, and schedule myself five or six days out of seven tearing around to appointments, errands, and obligations, I pay for it.
I know social connections are good for us emotionally and cognitively, and I know being able to control even half the day is a great privilege. For me, it has also become a necessity. If I don’t write first thing in the day (after pet chores), then the writing rarely happens, and if it does happen later, it’s more of an effort and less of a frolic.
What absolutely kicks me in that pants though, is how many decades I lived without control over my schedule, from little up. Some of that was me overbooking myself, but a lot of it was simply the need to pay bills and parent. Now that I can have many days on my ideal terms, I treasure the impact on my life. I’m happier, more productive, better rested, less anxious, and not as grumpy (most of the time).
What do you finally have on your own terms? What happens if you don’t get it? What still thwarts your progress toward ideal days?
PS: The Dreadful Duke is in the house! (Meaning His Grace is now on sale at the major retail sites. Ordering links here. Also, Lord Julian’s first audio book, A Gentleman Fallen on Hard Times, is now available through the web store.