I operate best in the “almost too busy” zone, meaning I have writing projects, social activities, barn obligations, domestic chores, and various other tasks all rotating through my day. When I hit the balance right, I feel productive, satisfied, challenged, and fulfilled.
But when life or my own mismanagement result in overload? I get anxious, reactive, and down. Decades ago one of my older brothers told me, “You can survive a blowout going 90 miles an hour, but not if you’re driving with one finger on the wheel.” I’m learning, gradually, how to keep one hand on the wheel, but I have to fight my own impulses when compression phases hit.
My instinct, when I am overwhelmed, is to hide. Solitude solves everything… except it doesn’t. When the week seems overbooked is precisely when I need to keep that fried pickle date with a friend, so I can hear somebody tell me, “Don’t be too hard on yourself.” (Thanks, Graham, Felicity, et alia.)
Another impulse when I’m slammed is to do everything (or make little rules exhorting myself to do everything). Do one housekeeping project every day, bring the general ledger up to date, walk a thousand steps every hour–it only takes ten minutes after all–and move some money into savings because that will somehow give Lord Julian the big insight to solve the next mystery. Just do enough stuff and surely calm will eventually return?
Erm… No.
Or… take a break, Grace Ann! Play all the solitaire and cribbage you want and pre-reward yourself into getting the never-ending to-do list done once you’ve indulged in a mental box of Girl Scout cookies.
Nope, not that either.
What really seems to help is limiting myself to focusing on one day, or–when my wheels are truly about to come off–one task. What is the most important task? Not the most urgent, not the most enjoyable, not the simplest. What is most important?
Usually, that’s writing one scene. Not only does writing give me breathing room from all my other chores and anxiety triggers, but it also generates revenue. Win-win! And once I’ve written the day’s scene, I’m usually less anxious too. So I do the best I can with one important task, then look around, and ask, “What can you reasonably do today with this pile of straw you want to spin into gold?”
I cannot make a feral cat population healthy and non-reproductive overnight. I can make a spay appointment for the one queen I know I can catch next. I cannot turn an old house into a show place, but I can air the rugs and run a load of socks and undies. I cannot slap down 7000 words a day, but I can outline three scenes ahead of what I’ve written so far.
In other words, when I am tempted to speed up, work faster, and discard time for reflection and self care., that is precisely when I need to slow down, work more strategically, and prioritize breathing room and support. And of course, at the end of every one of these slammed, daunting days, I make time to read a good book, and then–having done the best I could with the day, and having cosseted my heart and mind with a good yarn–I turn out the light and am grateful that tomorrow, I can give it all another shot, starting with: Write one scene.
How do you keep bailing when faced with a relentless spring tide?
PS: ARC files for A Gentleman Under the Mistletoe should go out over the next week. If you want one and don’t have it by Oct. 19 (I will send out to some usual suspects this week), drop me a line at [email protected] letting me know what device you read on. I can’t send files to every person who asks every time, but I’ll get out as many as possible!
Yep, I tend to try to soldier on and push through for far longer than I ought!
My new city was devastated by Hurricane Helene (after moving because my house was destroyed by a Florida hurricane in 2018)
So I am in desperate need of some down time right now. Like you, Grace, I’m trying to pick the most pressing 2 or 3 things to work on, and try to let the rest go. Easier said than done.
I am lucky these days not to be facing anything very major, so once again I have no good advice to offer. When I first retired, I felt guilty about no longer being a “productive” member of society but I have reached the age where I can let so much of the demands of society pass over my head, and that helps.
Yes, Hurricane Milton was a big anxiety-producer for several days but my partner and I came out with only some inconvenience and my family are all okay except for power losses. But we’re all longtime Florida residents so did a pretty good job of preparation and also got really lucky with the path.
I feel bad for those who suffered/are still suffering from Helene & Milton and am making donations to help as I can. And seeing all those pictures of the devastation puts my issues into perspective.
Isn’t that the way Gone With the Wind Ends? “After all, tomorrow is another day.”
Having arrived safely at bed time with the “thing” done, to have confidence that it was enough and sleep, what a gift!
I’d love an ARC! I got way snowed under with ARCs to read in October. I think I requested too many, thinking most would be rejected. NetGalley fooled me though and I’ve sworn I won’t bury myself so deeply ever again. Ha. So I just asked for an ARC from you. Anyway I’m managing to stay ahead of the tide and get books read and reviewed by publication date. October was a bumper crop though.
When I get overwhelmed with too many tasks to complete in too little time, I organize by making lists and daily plans. First, having all the immediate tasks written down puts them in perspective…seeing them in ink (or these days, pixels!) usually shows me that there isn’t as much to do as I think there is. It also helps me to schedule the jobs in a logical order of priority without planning too many things on the same day. And second, crossing tasks off my list gives me a sense of control as well as accomplishment. Even fun things, like planning a party, or Thanksgiving dinner, or Christmas shopping, decorating and food prep can all be brought down to size with a little organization. Though, even being as organized as I am, I do feel a bit of panic as this season approaches. I usually start Thanksgiving prep by the first of November (sweet potato pies, pecan pie, stuffing components, and corn bread can all be made well ahead & frozen). By the first of December, I start baking my Christmas cookies (which also freeze beautifully as long as they are well wrapped) and do my Christmas shopping (my family all know to fill out wish lists on Amazon so I can do most of my shopping online in a couple of days). Being organized has saved me a lot of angst over the years! Stay safe. Stay well everyone! P.S. I would love to review “A Gentleman Under the Mistletoe!”
There was a recent article in the NYTimes with This quote: “As corny as it sounds, I’ve found a suggestion from Jack Canfield, author of “Chicken Soup for the Soul,” helpful: Do what he calls a “rampage of gratitude,” taking one minute to appreciate everything you see.” It actually works!
Lists. List making makes me sane when I feel the stress migraines starting.
Now, picking *up* the lists, that may be a problem! Especially when the immediate panic-inducing tasks are finished and there are lovely books to read.
I will say when I finally get around to clearing off my desk and I look at old lists I’m surprised to see how many tasks actually did get done, without looking at the lists. And how many of the not-quite-so-important tasks are still not-quite-so important. And there are some left that can be crossed off because I now think they’re unimportant. I think learning to discern what’s unimportant earlier, and how to get more ruthless about throwing away tasks, would be very helpful.
Your essay offers sound advice. Thanks. One aspect in all this “stress” producing event, you have taken many years and hours to get to know yourself. Your triger points, your self knowledge and your observances of what may be. Without this selfknowledge and self appreciation and understanding, many people will not be able to see the end or the possibilities I think.
So my exact comment would be – know yourself, love yourself before you attempt to solve problems.
Thanks for sharing your understanding and useful helps.
Jackie
I’ve started curling up with YouTube when I have power (Florida Power & Light linemen are angels of mercy & wrought miracles on my street) & binging videos that range from Fashion Week influencers to castle renovations to horse rescues. If you haven’t found The Moons in France who specialize in rescuing aging former show, dressage, jumpers & other champions who’ve fallen thru the cracks & headed to a bad end, do!
Feeding my spirit & resting my brain seems to help me creak back into functionality.
“If it weren’t for the last minute, a lot of things wouldn’t get done.”
I wrote that in the yearbook, of which I was editor, for my graduation from nursing school in 1980. I’d like to say that I do better now, but that would be an all-out lie. I was born this way, I believe.
In college, I drove myself crazy by waiting until the last minute to write papers– but I still got an A on most of them. (Is that negative or positive reinforcement?) I often find myself bailing against the spring tide, as you so eloquently wrote, but I almost without exception somehow manage to stay afloat. I think I’m still managing because I have more time to myself in retirement. I haven’t the faintest idea how I managed when I was working full time and raising a family. But I did, somehow. Then, and now, I make lists. It’s so satisfying to check off the little boxes (which I draw in front of each chore). Best of all, though, in retirement there are a lot of things that I just don’t bother with any longer. That helps a lot!
I read your book called the laird. I read romance novels for the romance. I’m not thrilled with reading about what you wrote in that book. If I want to know about that I know about that kind of stuff. There’s plenty of it on the news I don’t need in my book
Elaine,
I’m very sorry this story did not work for you, and I would advise you against giving the other books in the series a try–The Captive (rebranded by the publisher as The Captive Duke), and The Traitor. They deal with different kinds of trauma, but it’s not light stuff. Other readers have responded as you did, and while I appreciate the feedback, I am always sorry when I’ve disappointed a reader.
Grace’s “what is the most important task I can do right now” is enormously helpful. Simply slowing down and asking that question allows critical thinking to nudge the panic aside, creating distance and objectivity. I admit that I usually ask myself the opposite question: “what should fall off the back of my truck today?” – which helps me separate the essential from the clutter. As my husband says, the laundry “isn’t asking for bread and water.” I appreciate Grace’s suggestion of wallowing a bit in the satisfaction of having written some words or outlined concepts! That’s when we need the affirmation the most, celebrating our victory over indecision and the self-doubt it creates.
Love your insightful and wise thoughts both your books and blogs. Your characters have such flaws and strengths it helps me in my little world. I too feel overwhelmed frequently and fall into both those traps. Thanks for sharing and strengthening our humanity