A writer friend who likes to think in archetypes (Mentor, Jester, Warrior, Orphan…) once told me I have a lot of Destroyer energy. This comment was offered as neither insult nor compliment, but simply as an assessment.
I can see that shoe fitting me. I feel satisfied rather than bereft when the junk crew makes all the cardboard and crap in the summer kitchen disappear. I was (in part) a good fit with foster care law because my perspective was often, “What’s holding this family back? How do we get rid of that obstacle?” A more nurturing mindset applied to the same situation might have asked, “What’s holding this family back? How do we build strengths so they can better manage that obstacle?”
Nah me. Erase the problem, obliterate it, render it null and void. Both approaches can result in greater familial strength, but I was prone to looking for what was blocking the critical path, and making it Go Away.
From a writing perspective, the black moment is the point in the story when the identity a protagonist cherished on page one (successful sculptor, happy spinster, brilliant sleuth) lies in ruins at their exhausted, bruised feet. This plot element is necessary so that an even worthier dream and identity can be born in the final pages of the story, and confirm the reader’s hope that the future will be rosy. A good writer has to have a talent for building and destroying fictional dreams.
But my propensity for firing the figurative photon torpedo has a down side. I am prone to looking for what is wrong, what is in the way of my idea of progress, what is holding back a better reality. I get pig-headed notions and won’t give them up. Sometimes, that junk in the summer kitchen is evidence of a pandemic survived. It needs to sit out there in all its reassuring ugliness for a long time before its job is done.
Sometimes, for example, a rule is in fact, not based on evidence or science or even much common sense (see previous foghorning about SMART goals), but having a rule means we can dispense with further debate about whether to drive on this side of the road or that. But there I am, maundering on about most people being right-handed, and dominant eyes, and back when we drove carriages… While traffic whizzes by relatively safely, despite my logical conclusion that we’ve devised a stupid rule about how we drive.
Photon torpedo in hand, I look for places where destruction might be part of a solution, because I have found a tool I use well–not because destruction of the whole blooming summer kitchen will solve anything.
My challenge is to know when to fire away, and when to view the situation from a different perspective–when to modify my handy definition of a problem, and when to put down my weapons of choice, and let the facts of my story suggest an even worthier possibility, however strange or alarming I might find the idea initially. This perspective-shifting is hard, and other people usually have to help me do it.
Do you tend to fall back on archetypical coping strategies? To rely on go-to tactics that have down sides? Maybe you’ve found people whose default approaches complement yours, or you’ve learned to shift your own perspective before taking action?
I’ve sent out a bunch of ARC files for A Gentleman Under the Mistletoe. I can part with a few more, if you’ll let me know what device you prefer to read on, and drop me a line at [email protected].
Not sure I know the answer to this one. But I did connect with the term “Mentor” in the first paragraph. I am an eldest child of 5 and perhaps that colors my behavior but I have always thought in terms of what I call “teaching moments.” I sincerely hope to teach someone how to do whatever they’ve asked about, rather than do it for them, so that they can do it on their own next time. The biggest drawback I’ve found to this is that some people think I’m being condescending or judgmental. That is not my intention. I am doing it less these days though as it seems more people take offense and, again, that was not what I thought I was doing. I have usually tried to correct/advise others in a more personal, one-to-one situation rather than bringing things up in public, except back in my 20s when I would do things like tell people in stores that they weren’t allowed to smoke indoors anymore (since a no-smoking indoors law had been enacted and maybe they just hadn’t heard about it yet–plus it was smelly). I’m mellowing and realizing that I can’t fix everything I see (though inside me, I still want to).
I’m a Satellite type, seeming to get my answers from the universe. Or to quote a test pilot boss from the past, I’ve been feeding my Strategic enough data for my brain to create 3D flow charts in my brain. Whatever. The guys I worked with called me Cassandra as I tended to be right, but the testosterone poisoning passing for HQ preferred to ignore me until the disaster I pointed out was incoming had created a large metaphorical crater in the program, then expect me to clean up said mess given I knew it was incoming. Sigh… Glad to be self-employed these days.
I’m not sure what name you’d call thinking while in motion, but if I’m stuck & can’t see a way forward, getting up & doing something physical seems to jumpstart my internal brainstorming. A load of laundry, dishes or trash out to the bin…it’s a rare day a few physical chores done can’t get the Ideation churning. Worst case mental block, getting in the car & running an errand blows the cobwebs loose or points my mental satellite dish back at a good frequency & ping! The route becomes clear & I’m back at work with a freshly tuned brain humming happily along.
Right now I’m not coping well at all. We’ve moved back to our house, and I’ve retired. It’s more stressful now than before the move and when I worked full-time.
The house is not put together, we need more furniture (and someone to shop for it), and someone needs to unpack and put things away. I’m also working part-time which has stretched into more hours than I’m supposed to work. I think my employment ends sometime in December and that will be the end of that.
I’m just focusing on the essentials right now.
I tend to focus on improving the details rather than changing the big picture. Perhaps that comes from my positive “helper” attitude where I want things to be better, not wildly different. Or I’m looking at the small picture inside the box, not the big one outside of it.
Hmmmm, I’ll think on this. Thanks for this topic, Grace.
Tough call here, too. I’ve thought any biography of my life should be “Just Call Me Cassandra,” the seer of Greek mythology who was never believed. I can’t say, “I told you so,” either. No psychic ability, just good at pushing people’s buttons and a certain contemplative ability to consider odds. I count cards, too. It causes me a lot of anxiety by times. And I don’t think it’s any type of archetype.
I am always impressed with how self aware you are. I can be very self aware at times. I don’t seem to have enough to choose my responses, reactions, or so forth. I wonder at how often I look back and think “why this instead of that?” The times when I know what to do and do it are the minority. Every day (mostly) I get up in the morning resolved to do better…. ♀️
Mmmm, I’m with you, Grace. I see the problems, and figure out how to plow through them despite anyone else’s feelings or thoughts about the issues. Often a very valuable skill, but sometimes very detrimental!
We are generally paralysis by analysis people. Our thought processes tend to go full circle, we chase our tails, re-litigate decisions made, and generally make ourselves crazy, until there is a deadline. At that point, we make a decision, and sometimes are even happy with it in the long term. As we are in the process of building a new home, and there are 8 million decisions to be made, we are … mmmmm … going mad.
I’m not sure what category I fall in. I’m second of five, and the oldest daughter, if birth order is an influence. When there is a situation or a problem, I tend to mull it over for a while rather than take action right away. I may ask someone else’s opinion. Or not. I might end up ignoring the problem as not every problem needs a solution. Or I might take a stab at several different solutions. Now I sound like a procrastinator who can’t commit!
I got on today to say than you, Grace, for all the comfort your books provide for me. I can’t count the number of times I have read all of your books, but I always know that I can be in a nurturing, happy space while I’m reading them. Right now, I’m re-re-re (you get the point)-reading the Lady Violet mysteries. I love that in this series, and the Lord Julian books, the reader gets to closely follow the characters’ evolution over time.
I swing from being very slow to make changes in my life and habits, to jumping in with both feet and speaking without reflecting when I encounter something that seems unfair. Lately, I have been trying hard to pay attention when people I love tell me to be a little braver – or to ease up on the hot-headed responses. A wise headmaster at my kids’ school used to say that “there’s no growth in your comfort zone” and I often remind myself of that when I am feeling tentative.
Hi Grace. Loving James’s audio reading of Lord Julian. Any news on book 4 at all ?
Just bought book 7 but will leave it for Xmas reading .. happy Xmas reading to me
Hi Grace. I’ll just edit my request to book 5 audio of Julian mysteries I have just finished book 4.
I really did want to give the protagonist’s a great shove in the cods. Yikes what a lot of selfish self posturing and ‘not reading the room ‘ going on
Birgit – So much the same, without the new home! I am trying to consistently make small improvements/ decisions/ working toward a goal steadily, but boy, I am not good at it.