I have fallen into a pattern of wasting Saturday mornings, and that feels both good and necessary. My schedule has more structure in recent months, in part because I’m pursuing an equestrian teaching credential, and in part because I’m keeping both a romance series and a mystery series moving forward.
I’m for the most part pleased with my life, grateful for my many privileges, and enjoying my challenges, but… I get overwhelmed. Life intrudes on my plans. Health care makes demands (muttering in the direction of the peridontist’s office), the house must be at least minimally maintained. I over-schedule myself, and then come some gratuitous nights of bad sleep or some pet-upheaval.
A couple days ago, I made myself my usual “banquet” tea to the start the morning: Local honey, heavy cream, and… geez my first cup of the day tasted really weak, and then I realized I’d forgotten to put in the, um, tea bags. Twice this week, I grabbed a tube of toothpaste from beside the sink only to realize a moment later that I’d just squoze moisturizer onto my toothbrush. (The moisturize now resides on a shelf across the bathroom from the sink.) I buzzed over to Virginia for one of my monthly Fried Pickle summits with friend Graham only to realize I’d gotten the venue, time, and day of the week correct, but the date wrong.
When I start hydroplaning like this, it’s tempting to lecture myself: “Grace, you must focus. Make some lists, my dear. Get organized. Look for efficiencies! Books do not write themselves, the trash will not levitate out the door.”
But Sister Scholastica Grace (who sounds a lot like the Sisters of Saint Joseph who taught at Our Lady of Victory school) is off the mark on this one. Right now, for whatever reason, I am like the kid who is getting good-enough grades and who generally does her chores without much (loud) complaining. What I need now is to watch cartoons for a few hours. I will get to my weekend chores, I will take out the trash, but to re-connect with myself, and to rest the weary parts of me, I need a Saturday morning where I play a dozen games of Solitaire BEFORE I try to be productive.
I need to collect the last of the dahlias, to let a day go by when I schedule nothing, control nothing, and–be strong, Grace Ann–accomplish nothing. Why is this so hard? Yes, some anxiety and negative emotions might bubble up if I reduce my RPMs, but so will some consolations, silver linings, and new perspectives. I might figure out why the Earl of Dunhaven won’t declare himself to the woman he has long adored.
Or I might let just one day slip through my fingers. I do fear that one slack day will turn into a hundred, but never before in all my born days has that happened. The probability of banana-peeling my way into an abyss now is not great.
So I will be figuratively watching cartoons this Saturday, wandering around in the yard, dipping into Dick Francis in the afternoon (oh, the decadence), and getting absolutely nothing done.
Does anybody else reply to the inner nuns with this strategy? They mean well, those nuns, but truly, I need time to pick me some yard flowers.
PS: Lord Julian’s holiday mystery, A Gentleman Under the Mistletoe, is now available from the usual suspects and the web store. It’s a little early for Yuletide tales, but never too soon for a fun whodunit!
After the upheaval of Hurricane Helene in Asheville, I have been working hard on giving myself LOTS of downtime to re-equilibrate. It’s working, the trick will be holding onto that habit once my surroundings are not so dire!
November seems to the the month for me when I most need down time. I need to grant myself permission to postpone, procrastinate, and give myself space to dawdle, walk around and let my mind wander, or dip into a book. Thank you for that, Grace!
I don’t know if it’s based on examples from my Southern dad, who steadfastly refused to go to Officers’ Candidate School and happily remained a sergeant for his 20 years in the Air Force, and then went on to become a mail carrier because his cousin asked him to, and never “advanced” up any ladders. So, in spite of being an eldest child, I have never been especially ambitious. I have always worked to live, rather than lived to work. It probably helped also that I had no Catholic school upbringing or guilt to get over.
I did feel a bit guilty when I retired that I was no longer considered a productive member of society but I remembered I had worked for over 40 years and that was enough production from me. I’m still a contributing member of society because I buy things and I pay my bills and that’s good for the economy. As long as I can do that and I’m not taking things away from other people, I can ignore other people’s ideas about what I “should” be doing.
It’s my thought that to function well and efficiently as a person we all need a certain amount of regular routine whether one naturally enjoys a laid back way of living or one seems to feel the need to fill life with activities.
The active person ( like myself) definitely needs more of a schedule and routine to be able to accomplish everything that one needs/wants to do whether it’s a task to be accomplished or an interest one enjoys pursuing. We enjoy this crazy and energetic routine but if we want to keep our sanity and continue staying healthy in both mind and body we must also heed those little warnings coming from within us and be lazy for a bit. Stop a bit, relax and enjoy some quiet time. It seems to rejuvenate our bodies and minds so we can regain our thinking faculties and energy levels. Then we are ready to get back to our regular routine of life
It’s taken me XX years (exact # classified on a need to know basis) to learn there’s a finite amount of me. Whether it’s physical me, creative me, or whatever me is required, there are times when the well has run dry & I need to refill it. Whether it’s get up & get physical to give the brain a rest & time to puzzle things out, or take a nap because the body’s been working too hard, or feeding my soul with art, music, nature, good foods…wells need time to recharge before we go back to dipping our buckets.
The worst thing to come out of the Industrial Revolution was the idiotic notion that people are interchangeable pieces of equipment & can run tirelessly day after day, week after week, year after year without breaks, fuel or maintenance. If the Lord, operating from His infinite wisdom took a morning & evening to “see that it was good”, the least we can do is stop, appreciate, & plug back into that fountain of infinite creation for a little bit & get a dose of joy.
I spend all morning in bed reading, doing puzzles, drinking tea etc one day a week. It is glorious and I need those hours where no one is asking anything of me, I don’t have to be productive, and I can choose whatever relaxation I want. Then at noon, I get up start my day. When my mornings have been dictated by what my kids need for a couple decades, I feel that one morning a week without their needs or input is not a lot to ask and have no problem insisting on it. Rest is so important.
When I first retired I had so many things I needed to do that I didn’t factor in any fun or down time. It didn’t take long before I realized I needed some down time every day. Reading a chapter or two (or three or four) each day improves my mood and gives me renewed energy to tackle the next item on my to-do list.
I’m my own inner nun. I have less free time in my head than I did when I was working. I feel more driven. That probably doesn’t make a lot of sense.
I have never really recovered from my adventures with Covid including a hospital stay. Since that time I have become a pro at loosing time and accomplishing nothing. I am gritting my teeth and budgeting to hire help to do what I can no longer do.Good thing I am retired, right? Luckily I have most of Grace’s audiobooks which is the only way I can get myself to do the chores I can do.
I have the opposite problem. I indulge my lazy self and get very little done. I am retired now and have very few responsibilities. Yay! Finally! When my husband is here I am more active and productive. When he is back in Texas I am a hermit, begrudging even trips to the grocery store. I’m afraid my inner voice telling me to get off my lazy rear and accomplish something is totally ignored. Or put off.
Knitting with a good audiobook is my way of unwinding. Usually I knit in the evenings, when all the day’s jobs are done, but then there are “those days” when I knit right after breakfast (or even before!) Not sure whether I knit to listen or listen to have an excuse to knit.
And, on the subject of tea, I had never heard of drinking it with cream until I came across this in your books. Must try. I grew up in a household where afternoon tea was served daily at 4. Strong, steeped in a teapot, and consumed with milk. Buttered toast on the tray in winter, cucumber or tomato sandwiches in summer (no crusts, of course). If there were guests, there might be something hot in a chafing dish and small slices of cake too. It was not the era of snacking on the go!
I have plenty of sweetness in my life and diet, and usually drink herbal tea straight. But every once in a while, I allow myself to indulge, and honey and cream is definitely the way to do it in a charming Earl Grey.
Every body, and every mind, needs downtime. And isn’t there even something somewhere that says to rest on the seventh day? Go for it, honeydew, you’re an overachiever in so many ways.
When I feel out of sorts I take a deep breath or three and let my body relax. The last time I felt I had to accomplish something in a hurry, I broke my ankle, had to cancel extensive travel plans and lost a lot of money.
Now I recognize that all is well, and know that everything that needs to happen will happen in its own time.
My mother, at 96, is weeding, cooking, looking after herself, with minimal help. She starts her phone calls with “What am I interrupting?” That’s the voice in my head. And you had a full schedule. Some reading, some flower picking, enjoying your tea. It just didn’t knock anything significant off the “profitable” list, whatever that is for you.
No nuns to chat with internally, but I feel your pain. I have not put moisturizer on a toothbrush, but I have put other non-toothpaste-squeeze-tube products on top. Luckily catching myself before the toothbrush entered the mouth. I’ve also poured hot water over an empty Teablee several times (I can recommend a Teablee and loose tea). I was joking with my husband today as he made his 4th cup of tea using the same leaves how in books that I read making tea with used leaves is an indication of being not as wealthy as one wants to appear.
A good reading day is how I generally cope, though sadly I am more likely to let that slip into more than one day, especially if I haven’t FINISHED the book.