At some point during the pandemic, my rural county seat here in Maryland began sporting panhandlers on its main street corners. The begging became so ubiquitous that the county fathers (they are all fathers) had the municipality pay to put up signs about panhandling being unsafe, so “change the way you give.”
I understand the point of the signs–structural problems are solved by structural change–but I also understand that, but for my parents helping me catch up all my overdue mortgage payments the second time I was laid off, I and my infant daughter would have been staring at homelessness. Even thirty years ago, the bank didn’t let you limp along one or two payments behind. Catch all the way up, or pack up.
Fast forward to earlier this week, and I’m out and about on the usual errands. I pass a man holding a sign, “Please help,” but I’m moving in traffic and I wasn’t in the right lane, and and and… I debate doing a U-turn, or a jug-handle turn, or detouring back that way on the home-bound leg…
I could not get that guy out of my head. Structural change wasn’t working for him. The day was cold, with worse weather on the way. My rural county of 150,000 souls has exactly ONE shelter that admits men (30 beds), and that one is only open during winter.
I DO hand cash to people who are asking for it. I keep a little in the car at all times just for that purpose. But I passed that guy without doing anything to help him. Gah. Fortunately for me, another person with another sign was on the corner nearest the pet food store, so my little cash stash found a new home, but that other guy still bothers me. I will look for him on my next pet food run.
The lesson I take from the day is, unhoused people are supposed to bother me. Handing every one of them enough for a couple meals doesn’t make their problem go away–the sign is right about that–so why should handing out a few dollars make my concern for them go away? They are in a seriously difficult predicament. Yes, I know, many prefer that predicament, but many others do not. Maybe “change the way you give” means stop thinking a little cash here and there–while helpful in the moment–is enough to excuse action from me on the larger issue.
Change how I give, by giving not only a little cash, but also some activism? Now there’s a daunting thought, but then, homelessness is beyond daunting.
All of this leaves me with a question: How do you know when you’ve given enough? How do you answer that voice in your head that says, “Your neighbor is in difficulties, and you have to at least try to help”?
PS: A couple of readers have asked about a holiday novella/short story I wrote for 2018 anthology. The anthology has long since ridden into the sunset, leaving A Knight Before Christmas (easily confused with THE Knight Before Christmas) orphaned. It’s a mere stocking stuffer at 15k words, but I hope to have it formatted and added to the web store freebie page in the next couple weeks.
I don’t think there is a time when we’ve given enough so we have to be satisfied that there is a time when we’ve given what we could.
I try to give to charities and I sign petitions to my Congressional representatives and occasionally I also write directly to them. Unfortunately, since I’m in Florida, they’re not just Republicans but they basically trip over themselves claiming affinity with and praising the current administration and its policies. I used to think presenting the facts in a calm manner would help but it doesn’t. I haven’t quite given up but I’m getting close. The only thing I know I can do these days is make monetary contributions even though I know it’s not enough. But then I see an article about some multi-billionaire and wonder why the double hockey sticks can’t they pay their workers a living wage? They couldn’t possibly miss a few million dollars but it would help so many others. Okay, now I’m despairing for our country (it doesn’t help that I just finished Louise Penney’s wonderful “The Black Wolf” so I have to pick up a romance next).
Love Louise Penney, and Charles Finch (her nephew) writes a great yarn too!
A church a couple of blocks from me has a free food pantry, “take what you need, give what you can.” When I get groceries, I try to get some extra and leave a few items. Not quite for the homeless, since I haven’t seen many around here at this point. I also carry blankets, pillows, extra clothing in my car, in case I’m stranded, but also in case of someone else’s need. Small things.
I was tearing through a packed grocery store a couple weeks ago, everybody was cramming for Thanksgiving. There was a big box at the front of the store to help beef up the inventory at the local food bank. Big box had three items in it, and two of them were boxes of pasta. We need more shoppers like YOU, who make the giving just part of the routines, week in and week out. (I did pitch in for the food bank, and I will when next I’m at the store.)
We donate to our local food pantry on a regular basis. Also, our church asks for donations for Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas-we donate what’s needed- ham, turkey , potatoes etc. Our church feeds over 200 people at the holidays.
I’d like to volunteer for meals on wheels when I retire.
I am not sure when you know you’ve done enough- I think every little bit helps and you give what you can.
I do so respect a church that walks the talk. The one homeless shelter in my county only happened because several local churches were not about to let anybody freeze to death for want of a safe, warm place to spend the night when they had basements sitting empty all through the winter. Thirty years on, the churches are still shouldering the load.
Thank you so much for your thought provoking historical novels. I always enjoy them and know that I will be educated about some historical situations about which I never learned in school or my other reading. Thanks again.
“…I…would have been staring at homelessness…” you said.
Well, I not only stared at it I experienced it. As I have mentioned previously I lost my house to the bank as it refused to renegotiate the mortgage after a very difficult period trying to renegotiate it with the bank.
…
The whole experience was destined for a superhuman and led me to develop an inner strength that back then I couldn’t even imagine existed in the realms of feasibility. I call it Indestructibility.
Apart from that every person I know of has needed some financial support from parents or friends to face the mortgage. Each and every one… If you take a look around you I’m sure you’ll find out how many properties have been lost to the banks. And many more that you don’t know of.
And now we’re losing them to “We buy ugly houses!” hedge funds. One article I read said there is NO housing shortage. There is instead an income shortage. We have enough units, people simply don’t have enough money to afford those units.
https://www.aau.edu/research-scholarship/featured-research-topics/study-finds-us-does-not-have-housing-shortage
I’m sorry you went through that ordeal, Pilar. Homelessness qualifies as a complex trauma, and the numbers lately are among the worst in recent history. You might not be in a good company, but you are in sadly plentiful company, as my daughter and I nearly were.
I have a poor reaction towards being asked to give money anymore. My property taxes are excessive, income taxes are excessive and everyone else has a hand out and a sob story. If I gave every dime I have, it would make no difference. I give respite house room to foster kids. We billeted hockey players and medical students. A few law students, too. I give full-sized candy bars at Halloween…. and have been asked for a “healthy” option.
None of us are exempt from the possibility of being unhoused in one form or another, if only that the roof over our heads is not of our choosing…. hospital, care home, vehicle, jail or under a bench on the street.
You know where I can identify with this sentiment? Begging politicians. I’d say every fifth text I get is from either a scammer impersonating a begging politicians or a real politician who for some reason cannot depend on stellar job performance to get re-elected (quaint notion, right?), but must dun me every other day to “chip in” lest the sky fall in some terrible way that it hasn’t yet already fallen.
I don’t give in response to those texts, period, no matter what, ever. I give to causes and people I believe in, but not in response to those vile, noisy, fake-urgent, manipulative… Well, I just don’t.
Nothing can ever be enough, even if you’re down to your last 2 cents. But it helps to read or re-read “The Facts Concerning the Recent Carnival of Crime in Connecticut” by Mark Twain. Free in Project Gutenburg.
You could check with your shelter and find out how many people they have to turn away, and then go complain to your county commissioners and to everyone at large, vigorously, until they expand. Or at least hire someone to help people with applications for other forms of aid, like VA benefits or social security disability. Or shelter and help for mental health stuff and drug addiction. Also, there should be something for women and children who are experiencing homelessness and/or need to leave their homes because of violence. (But possibly that also exists in your county.) A discussion with your favorite reference librarian about county social services might be in order.
Thanks a million for the free books. They will help make my holiday more jolly and help me cope with the feeling that everything is already out of hand and it’s only December 11th!
I feel most comfortable giving to official support systems. I have a food bank close to me and people of all sorts are there gathering supplies when I stop by with whatever I have to offer. I feel like everyone near me can get food and resource info there.
Giving to panhandlers nowadays is probably giving to druggies. Don’t do it. And even with careful consideration, I was still burned 2 times helping families with unexpected expenses. One family needed money to go out of state for needed surgery; and the next year they flew the whole family to Disney. And a lady died leaving 3 kids and bills; her go fund me was probably a fraudulent druggie relative. I only help when I can confirm real need and that the money is not going to be used for drugs.