I was at the horse barn this week, taking a mighty steed to his stall after a lesson, and one of the other volunteers mentioned that she was looking for a paying horse barn job. She is mid-twenties, and new to the equine scene, but a quick and enthusiastic learner who has a natural aptitude for working with horses. She was convinced that lack of experience was going to doom her ambitions.
“Don’t sell yourself short. Experience can be a real liability. For some people, experience can result in close-mindedness, an unwillingness to learn, and a tendency to cling to out-of-date practices. Give me somebody willing to work hard and learn over somebody who knew it all ten years ago. Besides, you truly love horses, and that’s worth any number of years simply making a living off them.”
She just stared at me, and then started to tear up. She’s college-educated but going through that, “Maybe my ladder has been leaning against the wrong building this whole time,” questioning which seems to accompany the quarter-life crisis
I conclude that my perspective–inexperience can be a tremendous asset–was the first encouraging word she’d had. I could only speak from that viewpoint because I recall how easy it was to come up with a plot a hundred books ago. The ideas fell in a gentle shower, and characters whispered to me of all manner of compelling flaws and wounds. Writing life was sweet, and I had no idea what a gift my inexperience was at the time.
As I was driving home, it occurred to me that my exchange with my barn buddy was a micro-example of qualities I love about my season in life. In earlier years, I might not have been aware enough to realize my fellow volunteer was asking for reassurance in the first place. In the second, I would not have had a ready argument against experience as the sine qua non. Of course, the ideal employee will have some experience, and also an open mind and a willingness to work hard, in addition to a heart for horses, but that wasn’t the point to make at the time.
I have made good hires and bad, I have been a good hire and a poor fit. I have needed encouragement, and been given some when I didn’t expect it. I’ve also been dismissed, ignored, and told my dreams were ridiculous. I hope all this living has made me a kinder, less self-centered person. If nothing else, all this living has made me want to be a kinder, less self-centered person, and I will never be too old to strive in that direction.
What do you like about your current season in life?
My favorite part is that I’m retired and mostly get to march to my own drummer (mostly, because, of course, there are still bills to pay and doctors to visit and other adult stuff to keep me alive, fed, and sheltered). I agree with everything in your final paragraph and I have at least learned a little bit better when just keeping my mouth shut is the best thing to do (also the hardest for an eldest child who’s used to helping others and liking/needing to do so). One of my nieces-in-law a few years ago told me that I seemed more mellow than when she first met me in the early 2000s so I guess I have moved toward a better me. And I’m better able to let things go now so that’s decreased some stress. I guess there are a few good things about this aging thing!
I hope I have improved in terms of “keeping my mouth shut,” but that has ever been a challenge for me. Especially my “yeah-but” mouth.
I am trying to figure out my current life season.
I enjoyed training new hires, encouraging my dog club friends to volunteer and be part of the club.
Our nest is empty as our daughter moved out in February. It’s been an adjustment…not as bad as I had envisioned. A change none the less.
My husband is older than I am and I think he’s giving up.everything is a problem and “I can’t” is his favorite phrase.
I enjoy working, want to travel and enjoy showing my corgis. Gregory is showing his age and needs help. Laci is full of life and we’ve entered a scent work trial.
I believe life has seasons…and I think I am in between them.
Interesting observation, and you remind me that I am free to operate in whatever season seizes me, without respect to whether a partner (or adult child) can accommodate where I am. My parents eventually settled into an elderly pattern that worked for them, but mostly–I think–because my mom finally put her foot down.
I am very comfortable with my current situation. I don’t have a schedule. I can live my natural habit of staying up late and sleeping late. I don’t report to anyone. My husband the morning person has finally figured out that I will not give up being a night owl. Years and years of having to get up early for work and school are memories now.
I absolutely agree. I view unstructured time as form of wealth, and I will give up a lot to keep what I have of it. Part of the reason I detested school from kindy on up was simply that I was told where to go, what to do, when to sit, who would sit next to me… so many basic freedoms are just ripped away from children in the name of educating them, and I hated every day of it. Those years make self-employment a wonderful antidote.
The house is paid off. We do not currently have long term debt. As our income and our willingness/ability to work wanes, this is a comfort for this season of life.
I am looking forward to that day when the house is paid off, and it’s not too distant. Having “free” housing is about all that will make later years affordable for me, and I dread the day I have to sell the place and start my Medicare spend down.
I adore having the confidence to stop worrying about what other people think. No thinking about “age appropriate” activities or clothing. No having to worry about any employer’s permission save my own.
Lovely to be past the age & career stage of having to waste my time on efforts doomed to fail because some “more qualified” than intelligent social hire knows better than experience without a golf game or men’s locker room connections.
PS Looking forward to hearing Langton’s dulcet tones on the next book. That man’s voice carried me thru two Cat 3 hurricanes. Nothing more pleasurable when hunkered down than letting our Grace’s writing carry me away on that fabulous voice. *happy sigh* Well worth the precious battery hours burned.
Readers have told me that my books got them through the family reunion, or six weeks in a cast, or mother-in-law’s visit, but TWO hurricanes? James will be delighted to know this!
I’m entering my muumuu stage. It is really more a mind set of prioritizing my own comfort (in many different ways) and not worrying about what other people think about it. Do you have eyeglasses with personality? Are your shoes comfortable? You may also want to join me, muumuu is optional but recommended!
I volunteer at a hospice residence, and sit vigil with folks who are dying. It has given me a lot of perspective and much of that could be summed up as: life is too short to worry about x or trying to be anyone but myself
I wear the equivalent of muumuus, and take particularly pleasure in really thick organic wool socks in all kinds of colors. Those days when I had to be in courtroom attire, sitting at the counsel table by 9 am, possibly not to leave it until well after dark… Would I have been a better lawyer in blue jeans? Maybe not, but I would have been much more comfortable!
Grace, I really like what you said at least “wanting to be a a kinder less self-centered person.” It is indeed an ongoing process. It feels lovely to realize I have been successful on the occasions when I am. In addition I try to be open to learning from everybody I can. It really feels grand on the occasions when I actually succeed at that skill.
Avoiding being arrogant and stubborn is another process that falls in the lifelong learning category for me as well.
I’m about to move into my eighth decade in six months – which is very hard for me to believe.
I’m grateful to have so much “me” time to do as I wish – especially lots of reading and puttering.
I haven’t quite released all of a first-born’s need to please but I’m almost there. Beth, you’re an inspiration for me to go all the way to liberating myself from worrying about what others might say.
Hope you are still enjoying your writing even if you have to wait longer for the characters to whisper to you. I very much enjoy the results of your writing. Also love the cat and dog pictures. Best wishes.
I love this concept, of appreciating one’s season in life and the latitude it can provide. Like Grace and the young lady in the horse barn, people far more experienced than I expressed or demonstrated their confidence and trust in me, sharing a lesson or pointing out some potential I did not recognize in my 20’s. Knowing the impact of those words given decades ago, I am emboldened now to verbally recognize talents, gifts, kindnesses and contributions wherever I see them – and most importantly, the impact of same. Typically, people stare in surprise for a moment, straighten up and smile (genuinely) and say thanks. We cannot know what doubts people carry, so why not call out the acts or characteristics that will serve them well?