I allow myself one mid-day scroll through Facebook these days, and invariably, I log off in disgust. Endless numbers of Very Smart People wax Very Articulate about current events, most of their posts conveying panic and doom. Our brains are wired to pay attention to panic and doom, and thus the behaviors–both posting that material and reading it–are reinforced by our biology.
Away I go, another day dragged down by current events. When only four percent of the American public support our current stance regarding Ukraine, I have to conclude that those who rejoice in the present state of affairs are fewer and fewer (albeit quite vocal).
So here we are, afraid to look away, afraid to hope, and many of us, afraid to speak up.
I am also disgusted with myself. I know exactly what will happen when I log into Facebook–more daunting facts, even more daunting reactions to those facts, the occasional smug troll or clueless innocent troll. Botheration. Spending time there solves nothing and yields big tech all manner of personal data about me that they are merrily selling on every corner of Wall Street. Another hour wasted, Grace Ann, and for what?
What I want from the wise people commenting on the current scene is a) hope for better days, and b) an actionable path for bringing those days closer. The oracles don’t seem to offer much of either, but then, I’m looking for inspiration on social media, where the algos spread gloom and despair by design. Then too, the Very Wise People who can describe all the reasons we’re doomed weren’t wise enough to see this coming or find us an off ramp, so how wise are they really?
Not wise enough, says a grouchy me. So where to turn for inspiration? Welp, my parents come to mind, maybe yours do too, or your grandparents. My folks lived through the Depression, which for them lasted well over a decade. My mom was a nurse during WWII, my dad served in the Navy, and yes, he saw combat. They watched the Korea War, and sent a firstborn son to Vietnam amid the assassinations (plural) of the sixties, the white supremacist thuggery in response to the Civil Rights Act, and the criminal debacle of Watergate.
The first time I saw my mother cry was when President Kennedy was assassinated, and there was more and worse of that to come.
How did my parents cope with all that violence, upheaval, corruption, and hardship? How did they get up in the morning and go about their days in a world that repeatedly went mad?
Well, they did drink and smoke, and I am convinced that both forms of substance abuse were palliative. Drinking in particular was also social. Mom and Dad entertained a lot and those were well lubricated occasions. They cherished friendships, they worked hard, they respected each other, and they focused on the challenges immediately before them, 
despite the bad and worse news.
They kept going, they watched Walter Cronkite, and they folded the laundry and had the new graduate students over for dinner (representing, as best I recall, Finland, Algeria, Japan, and the US).
Our elders did what they could, day after day. My parents managed to raise their seven children and enjoy a long and peaceful retirement. Their “keep on keepin’ on” strategy worked, in other words, and I am taking a leaf from their book: Get up and deal with the challenges of my day, despite all the voices clamoring for panic and despair. Look after my friends and family. Read good books and write good books because that’s my happy place, and get the news in manageable doses from only highly credible, fact-based sources. I also donate where I think it will do some good, and try to listen more than I talk.
So how are you keeping your balance these days? Are any particular role models assisting with that process?
PS: Things to look forward to: Pretty soon, time for ye old ARC list for The Elusive Earl. I’ll send out to my regular commenters, per usual.
I listened to a meditation podcast this week, and the guest suggested the Christian Science Monitor for news. Optimistic and nonbiased per the guest on the podcast.
Interesting, no?
TCSM is an oldie but goodie. Thanks for the reminder!
I have never been particularly involved in social media (though I do check your page and a couple of other authors every day) but the Yahoo news page I see when I log out of email does grab too much of my attention. I watch an hour of local and national news (I’m old enough to have watched Walter Cronkite with my parents) and I watch Stephen Colbert’s monologue. While he is basically a comedian, he also treats events seriously and when warranted, respectfully (and when not warranted, very much not). Otherwise, I tend to stick my nose in a good book. I have always been much more of a reader and could easily go days without turning on the TV (my partner, on the other hand, keeps it on all the time and even now, while he’s at the grocery store, I can hear it from the other room). Reading historical romance, especially, allows me to spend quality time in another world and take a break from the chaos of this one.
Karen, oh, me too, me too. I also like Golden Age British detective fiction. The odd thing about the Regency though, is how similar to our own times it is. Tariffs on necessities in the face of enormous government debt? Check. Horrendous downsizing of the government payroll with no planning for those affected? Check. Radical reduction in individual rights and freedoms? LOUD check. Government control of popular press? Wow Check. It’s downright weird.
What I see and feel is that we are living in a mixture of Mad Max and the Bermuda Triangle that is being sold to us as reality but is not real. And the navigation systems of our personal little boat are deliberately being distorted by all this “external information”.
I believe that the only sane way to navigate these deliberately distorted and poisoned waters is to become deeply rooted within oneself and follow to the best of one’s abilities this inner guidance and inner moral compass.
My inner guidance tells me that human values are the real thing, that the heart is the real thing and not the lack of moral compass that is seen “outside” and sold to us as “normal”, as if that is being “human”.
And no, real human nature is not predatory or greedy or imbecilic or lacking in empathy…all of these are not only non-human qualities but what is evidenced is a lack of soul.
And I believe that people who are basically introverted have a wonderful gift in this quality because it is the innate ability to connect with our inner guidance and to follow what we feel inside instead of what the Bermuda Triangle is saying.
Anyway, we are already used to being the “weirdo”…
Good point. I also found that extreme introversion was a real strength during the pandemic, but yikes, the adjustment back to the loud busy world when the pandemic ended! I’m still wobbling.
Thank you, Pilar.
Focusing on the positive, enjoying time spent with friends and family, and spending time painting, crocheting and reading.
Crafts, crafts, and crafts. They really are a superpower.
https://www.nowthatspeachy.com/2019/04/8-reasons-why-crafting-is-good-for-you.html
Focusing on the positive, enjoying time spent with friends and family, and spending time painting, crocheting and reading.
Our Grace’s ARCs are one way I cope. Tapping into Creation is another. Plant or tend something. I convinced my basil to overwinter near a window & my lavender is already blooming.
Tending people falls under this. A four hour phone call with a widow dealing with tax season without her spouse for the first time. Pruning my closet for a friend who lost down to my looser clothes sizes & doesn’t need the added expense of new clothes as she approaches retirement age without anything but Social Security to look forward to. Corresponding with my first grade friend’s mom who lost her husband after more years of marriage than my entire lifespan & I’m no spring chicken. She needs a connection outside herself. Writing & reading letters gives her comfort, pleasure and interests beyond bureaucracy & paperwork.
Best coping/mental health remedy I know is getting busy & outside of myself. The world goes on however big the disaster & blessed are the cleanup crew who keep things running. Books, music, art – lift the soul when the body is tired.
What a generous soul you are, Beth. You might wake up one day to find me on your couch!
My coping mechanism to limit my exposure to the avalanche of bad news. I subscribe to a bunch of newsletters, but find myself reading only the optimistic ones and consigning the doom and gloom letters to the trash, unopened. Sadly, I don’t feel like I have any influence, beyond the boycotts of companies that don’t align with my beliefs. When I’ve had enough, I turn to my favorite historical novels for some escapist fantasy. My favorite saying, which covers both good and bad experiences, is “This too shall pass.” I just hope we have a United States when this insanity is all over. Stay safe. Stay well everyone!
I am really careful about where I get my news, when during the day I get it, and how long i let myself dwell on it.
And no, we probably can’t influence peace talks or come up with the Tweet that saves the world, but we can live our pedestrian lives with honor and kindness, and–as you say–use our dollars carefully in the marketplace.
I go along with your parents way as to facing challenges and dealing with them head on and to the best of ones abilities and resources. In the process one must maintain their personal moral standards despite what others around choose to do or say. Despite what we hear and see around us. Because in the end we are all eventually left alone to live with our own personal consciences concerning any and all decisions we make either through necessity or by choice.
It’s also important to realize that usually how we deal with our challenges and with others will always in some way or another affect not just ourselves but others. So for me it’s important to always try to do or say things that can impact others in a positive and encouraging way. I must admit at times that can be challenging but if I can somehow manage to do it I can also feel better about myself…which is always a win win for everyone.
Good thought, Carol. There’s a bigger picture than just my frustration with Firefox or the news or my step count. Somewhere between being overwhelmed by the world and being oblivious to it is the sort of honest but humble path I want to walk.
I am not watching the National news and Fox. I watch the local news for local news and the weather. I skip over authors, friends and family who post about politics.
I am reading and watching Netflix movies and tv. And I am walking alot. It’s a stressful time for sure.
That being said, the “ tell me 5 things you accomplished last week.” Does not bother me.
We have an application at work which monitors our work each day, it let management know what problems I solve, who I speak with and how long it takes for me to research.
It has been helpful to me to see what I could do differently. And my supervisor acknowledges what I accomplish daily.
Reading and dog to Pat works for me.
That five things email… is there anybody, anywhere, who is only getting one thing done each day? What EVEN was the point?
And when is a dog anything but a great idea?!
I never did Facebook at all – for some reason I always found it creepy – so that hasn’t been an issue for me. I keep in touch with the people I care about, intentionally. I scroll through the headlines in the New York Times and the Washington Post but I don’t dwell on things there. I joined the local Indivisible group, which is doing practical things to try to counter the mayhem and divisiveness. I do my volunteer activities for immigrants and ESL, trying to do one thing per day, something tangible for someone else, and then I reward myself with a good romance/mystery novel, even re-re-reading the ones I find most comforting. I go to church. I remember my college days during Vietnam and how we were sure the world was ending and yes my parents through the Depression and WW II and Korea when they were sure the world was ending but somehow we manage to struggle on and perhaps even improve things somewhat. We have to live in hope and do our little part to help the arc of history bend ever so slowly towards justice.
Kent State was it for me. My siblings were in college by then and I could not wrap my little head around those deaths. Still can’t. And the assassinations… but the center held and here we are.
I have also been looking at previous generations and other parts of the world today to keep perspective. I’d say it works sometimes but not always. I don’t consume any social media and limit my news intake to once a day. I’m trying to be kind to everyone and continue volunteering. Finding as much community as I can also helps me feel grounded. Understanding that this is going to be hard for the long haul helps me see the big picture and not get caught in the daily chaos. I’m reading The Righteous Mind by Jonathan Haidt and that is helping a little to understand the path to where we are right now.
What a timely reading suggestion:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Righteous_Mind
Keep in keepin’ on is pretty much my behavior as well. I stopped social media some time ago. I follow politics insomuch as I read my local newspaper and if it’s bad I only read the headlines. I make an effort to define and deal with physical problems although that appears to be a loosing battle in my 70s.
I look at history and sadly this seems to be a recurring pattern. I would have preferred to live my life in one of the longer peaceful stretches of time.
I focus on my grandchildren and hope to move closer to where they are. I read my books relying mostly on the library. I like audiobooks because I don’t have to leave them to do the dishes. But there is nothing like cuddling up with a good book and a dog at my feet (the other one stretches across the back of my chair like a cat) and getting lost in a story.
History does seem to place us in a constant oscillation between the Big Dawgs and representative government, but I find the general trend–out of the Dark Ages, inching away from oligarchies–encouraging. I find this year discouraging, but this too shall pass.
Thank you for that post. While it is terribly depressing to think we are betraying our parents’ generation, it is helpful to remember what they went through in their time. We just keep living, doing what we can, and being KIND in all things.
I am more aware that I do not want to betray my daughter and grandchildren, and that helps keep me from wallowing too awfully much (most days).
I watched unbalanced yesterday. I hope. My daughter, husband and I had lunch in my daughter’s local Costco yesterday. We watched buggy after buggy of eggs, coffee and toilet paper leaving the store. Egg purchases were capped at 3 @ 18. Our daughter texted a friend to inform him this particular location still had them.
And, after almost 40 years of marriage, my husband asked me to look into my opportunities for a long-term UK visa, for which I am eligible and by extension, he is. Just plain weird. And we think we’re behaving rationally.
As I keep reminding my husband, things come in cycles. We’re in a shit cycle at the moment but eventually we’ll be past it. This applies to politics, education, and whatever else is screwed up. We’ll be okay in the end because we are who we are and optimistic at the end of day.
Grace, thanks for writing about your parents and reminding us of the dire circumstances they navigated. Their character and strength were surely gifts to you and your siblings. I remind myself that the Depression and wars presented far greater hardships than, say, the price of eggs. Yet I despair over the vaccine debate, the onslaught of misinformation and the ever-effective power of fear over reason. Anyway, how do I cope? Read and listen to books; “save” the latest Grace release as a treat/escape/reward. Pet my husband. Connect with friends; reach out to make new friends. Exercise. Be outdoors. Tell people I love them. Pointedly ignore ads, Facebook garbage, op-eds. Resist doom-scrolling. Suspend any trust in the positions, promises and claims of our country’s leadership or in the veracity of mass media.
Happiness is ANY Grace Burroughs book, whether old or new Right now I’m rereading Miss Delectable while I wait for my pre-ordered copy of The Elusive Earl. One of the things I love best about your books is how much I learn about esoteric (to me) subjects. Here you’re mentioning toasted cheese sandwiches sprinkled with tarragon, thyme, and a dash of dried onion before toasting. This tiny example is one of hundreds that pepper your books and make them so interesting and charming. Thank you for your research and for weaving these unexpected, delightful details seamlessly into your storyline. You’re a gift
Part of what I’m doing is reading less news. It’s easy to doom-scroll, and easy to find stuff to take one down the rabbit hole, no matter what political leaning or perspective one has. I don’t watch TV news, ever. I might watch a very occasional late night “comedy” show, but they are markedly less funny than they used to be because all the topics are fraught, even while being poked fun at. I still visit FacePlant (as I call it) sometimes, but more to see what people I know are up to. I don’t read comments. I’m trying to do not computer things more. None of that totally erases the feeling of existential dread creeping up around the edges though.