A couple of ideas collided for me this week, one stemming from Heather Cox Richardson’s interview with Gov. Gavin Newsom. She asked him, essentially, if we don’t like seeing cities militarized on a flimsy pretext or health care put out of reach for millions, what do we DO?
Newsom’s response surprised me, and it came down to this: Be yourself. Believe in what you believe in, speak up when the topic arises, stand up when the opportunity presents itself, whether you’re on the left, on the right, or all over the place. Participate in the dialogue. Just be yourself. I personally think Newsom had made some serious wrong turns as governor of California, (also some right turns), but this piece of advice struck me as worthwhile.
Then I read Austin Kleon’s lastest post Your Hobby Looks Exhausting, (paywalled), in which he references another writer who posited that one of the foundations of Britain’s resilience during WWII was… hobbies. In addition to being the kingdom of Keep Calm and Carry On, the Brits are also stamp collectors, darts players, rose enthusiasts, knitters, bowlers, hill walkers, choir members… they had and have a vast and enthusiastically pursued appetite for private and social pastimes, which translates into an arsenal of identities beyond bomb shelter occupant, widow, or veteran.
Kleon posits that to the rose enthusiast, bowling looks like lot of noise and sitting around. To the dedicated bowler, roses are a lot thorns, dirt, and bugs. To each his own, but to the enthusiast, the hobby is very much theirs to own.
This juxtaposition of ideas, that our hobbies and enthusiasms help define us, and that knowing and acting on who we are makes for a healthy society was reassuring to me. I can water my zinnias, I can remind the nice people at the pharmacy that all this wildlife only showed in our end of the valley when that huge housing development went in a few miles to the north.
Jane Friedman added to the discussion with the notion that she doesn’t want to be remembered as somebody who responded to email quickly. She wants to be remembered as somebody whose responses, whenever they arrived, were civil and thoughtful. Her question–What do you want to be remembered for?–help me focus on Newsom’s challenge to be myself.
I hope people recall me as a kind, honest person. They might also mention all those cats and horses, or how happy I was in a writing life, but I hope their first recollection of me is that I was honorable, albeit stubborn in my (always well reasoned) opinions, and 
determined on my (always wisely chosen) objectives. That glowing hindsight is something to aim for, anyway.
For what, or as whom, do you want to be remembered?
PS: First batch of ARC files has been sent out for A Gentleman in Possession of Secrets, and the print edition is already on sale at Amazon. If you’d like an ARC file, please let me know what device you read on at [email protected].
I hope I am remembered as someone who loved her family and dogs, a good person who listened and tried to help people and a good friend.
Some people think I am stubborn— people who know me know that I am determined. Determined to figure out problems at work and determined to wade through medical issues and determined to survive breast cancer #2.
I thought of you this week Grace when I walked to the beach. I realized how important it is for me to walk, reset and be ready for work and life every day. Me time or the reset is important…thank you!
Here you go making me think and here I go being shallow or something again, but I don’t actually care if I’m remembered. I won’t be around. I try to behave reasonably but I am a hard-headed eldest child. I think I’m matter-of-fact and truthful but have been told I’m intimidating. That one cracks me up as I also suffer from “imposter syndrome” (I’m not really smart, I’m just lucky they always ask the questions I know the answers to, etc.).
Grace, I think your books will leave a wonderful impression of you as a person. I know I feel better for having read them.
What a thought-provoking question!
So often there is a mismatch between how we act and what we say we want. This is a great recentering tool.
Dear Grace, you have caught me in the midst of a struggle to figure out who I am. I seem to be hyper aware of efforts I have made to no avail. I have been wondering what would I like to learn. I have loved learning new things and have continued to take continuing education courses even though I am retired and don’t “have to” anymore. I think I would like to try learning to knit again- the first try did not go well. Perhaps my epitaph will be borrowed from Sweet Charity
“She lived hopefully ever after”
I’m a bit like Karen H in that I’m the eldest of four and the only girl and not exactly hard-header but somewhat opinionated. I don’t really care if I’m remembered because I have no children, I’m the last remaining sibling, and most of my friends have gone before me. Luckily, I have a couple of younger friends that will hopefully survive me. I hope they will remember me as positive and generous.
Sue, you not to hold to learn. I am 73 and taking a knitting class. Many years ago in my youth I made a scarf (with lots of help from my mother). Now I am making a shawl…a big rectangle. If I’m not sick of knitting by the time I finish it I plan to learn how to purl. As I knit I think about how rich women would embroider or paint with water colors; only lower and middle class knitted socks, lots of socks, and gloves, and hats, and shawls.
Having a hobby gives you something to look forward to and gives you a reprieve from all your worries. It can also be therapeutic. Even though my gardening consists of keeping my yard ‘under control’, digging in the dirt after a rain lifts my spirits.
I am flawed, as we all are, but in the end when people remember me I hope it will be as a person who always tried to be kind first and foremost. No matter what the issue or the differences we have …even if we just agree to disagree…acts of kindness benefit both yourself and every living creature.
I would love to be an arc also. EPUB is fine
“Please don’t let me be misunderstood.” But that’s inevitable since most of my life is under the surface, and it’s hard to connect to other people. I can send love and compassion into the world, and that must suffice.
What a great question! I reallly would like to think I am remembered as a person who wasn’t afraid to ask the difficult questions that would make life better for all. Sometimes I come across someone who looks at me as questioning everything, makeing suggestions of how events could change. This past summer I had the great joy of traveling from Poland to Paris with some really great people! During my Poland adventure, our director made a comment about Polish people always complain! Not for the sake of being difficult but an eagerness to make events and things just a little better in different ways. Complaining can have a negative aspect but being able to complain can make changes within oneself and the world. I also hope I am remembered as someone who could laugh at herself, and simply love being alive everyday with all the joysand pains that life is made of.
That truly was a great question, Thank you.
I’d like to be remembered as somebody who loved–imperfectly, but constantly, truly, and for always.
I probably *will* be remembered as a cat lady, and I am fine with that. I also like dogs, and had several I sorely miss. We currently have only one dog, who my son adopted from the shelter years ago. I have 16 cats currently – lost 2 recently.
I serve on the board of my synagogue. Another board member told me: “You don’t speak all that often, but when you do, people need to listen. You share your wisdom and I really appreciate it.” That made me so proud and I realize that helping people or groups navigate tricky waters is something I enjoy and at least some others think I’m good at. I want to be remembered as someone who cares, who makes a difference and who helps other people in need.
Mmmmm…Yes, Be true to yourself. My favorite topic!
Many years ago I had an Intuition that reoriented my life forever: I could not live any other way but being true to myself.
Difficult? Absolutely!
Rewarding? The most!
There. I said it.
I find that any other option for me is akin to being in a “dead life” and this beautiful, difficult and overwhelming lifetime that my Soul has so painstakingly, masterfully and brilliantly crafted for me to actualize is not to be wasted as a “dead life”.
And in this as in everything in life, “pactice makes perfect”.
Grace, thank you very much for the ARC!
Lovely post. I wave signs AND I crochet. <3