A horseback riding concept that some students struggle with is the “return to neutral.” The idea here is that once you’ve asked your horse to do something–trot, turn, stop–and the horse shows an intent to comply with the request, stop asking. Go quiet. If you were nudging with your calves or tugging on the reins, cease. Cease applying pressure on the horse’s sides, on his mouth, on his mind. He did what you told him to, now reward him with peace and quiet (or a bit of praise) while he does his job.
For riders who have problems maintaining focus, or who have abundant physical energy, or who deal with sensory processing issues, the concept of a listening, physically passive state is hard to grasp and harder to find. Neutral is not something you can get to by “achieving.” The road to neutral has more to do with allowing, pausing, silencing, and trusting.
I can’t get to neutral on a horse who is scaring me. Nopity-nope. If Thunderbolt is dancing around, snorting, propping, and muttering bad-horsey words with his back feet, I will probably be sawing on the reins, thwopping him sideways with my leg, and muttering a few words of my own. A really accomplished rider can transcend the tantrum of the moment and ride chilly–ride without getting into a power struggle–even as they chide, discuss, or suggest to the horse that this behavior gets us nowhere.
The accomplished rider is always one instant away from neutral.
I used to find that commuting to and from the law office helped me get to neutral. The drive was familiar, mostly rural, and just long enough that I could settle my nerves and breathe. I drove in silence, without companions, and that suited me splendidly.
Now, I need time by myself at home to get to neutral, preferably entire days of it. I can be plenty busy on these days (looking at you, Joshua Penrose), but intrusions are few and quiet, and usually by email rather than a text or call. The only expectations on me are my own. Give me a few of these days every week, and I can sally forth to volunteer at the barn, tag the errands-and-appointments bases, and even (!!!) do some social meals.
Deprive me of my back-to-neutral days, though, and I am progressively easier to upset, increasingly negative, and less and less fun to be around. My mother found her back-to-neutral in long walks by the sea. Other people seek it by putting their hands in the dirt, and still others just need a good, meaty crossword puzzle. None of this makes the “official list of self-care activities” that some expert can charge us for, and that’s probably wonderful.
How do you get back to neutral, and has your strategy changed over time?
Walking is my way to go to neutral. I have always loved to wall. Sometimes, finding time was difficult, work took up too much time & my walking buddy arthritis made it difficult for him to accompany me.
Last year my friend asked me to go on a walk and it clicked. I started walking 2 days a week and now I walk 5-6 days a week all year long. I get up early and walk before work.
Walking resets me and clears my mind.
Reading is another way to shift to neutral…it’s an escape, too!
My strategy has changed. Maybe, because I have prioritized my health. Maybe, it’s because I am working from home 3 days/week and I have more time.
I am trying do one thing for myself in the morning…that’s walking
Welcome back!
I know I almost always have the same answer but reading, especially historical romances and mysteries, helps me to decompress. I’m not sure that’s the same as “getting to neutral,” but it’s the word I’m used to for what I need to do. “Escape” is another good word for me. I find myself getting too worked up, especially about things I have absolutely no control over (and, boy, is that aggravating to this eldest child), and have to take myself away. But like with your horses, I have to control myself, not the other (and, again, that’s hard for me). Thank goodness for books!
Waking up before the sun has fully risen. Drinking a strong mug of Assam tea, with milk of course, while reading a historical romance (no news allowed during this precious early morning time). And then, if there is enough time, start a slightly intricate baking project.
I love the phrase “return to neutral”!!!
That’s a great mindfulness sort of thing- reaching for equanimity. Which I think I do these days by stopping and doing some deep breaths.
Some days I am more successful than others.
I just need some quiet time to read or watch TV with no telephone interruptions.
In addition to reading, music, strolls on my treadmill, & watching random videos on YouTube that catch my fancy, turning on the Do Not Disturb on my phone that sends all but my designated emergency check in person to voicemail in blissful silence so I remain oblivious is my one true path to serenity. If all else fails, getting in the car & burning fuel also acts as a raised drawbridge & lowered portcullis until equanimity is restored.
If things get too busy in my life (more than one activity in a day and few solitary ones), I clear out space to read for hours either curled up on the sofa (occasionally) or else in my cozy bed (more likely). I require LOTS of down time.
Getting back to neutral is hard, but I’ve found that if I start my day with 20 minutes of weaving before even coffee, it is easier to stay in neutral. I guess it’s sort of like chronic pain management- keeping it under control all the time is more effective than hoping it won’t spike and then trying to reel it back later…
Ah, I have a list. 1) toss the ball for my dog for 10 minutes. 2) re-read a favorite book (a real actual book in my hands with pages to turn) 3) take a longer than fast shower and refuse to feel bad about it remove boxes of stuff from my house to the appropriate thrift store… I can go on and on and I guess I also am alone (relative to other humans).
I have all the usual solitary reset things like reading, just being alone in quiet, a walk etc. but I am allowing reset to be social and it is going well. Yoga class and playing mah jongg with friends and that is also working. I’m surprised but studies didn’t lie i guess.
Thanks for this wonderful insite and of course the horse analogy helps me so much. With this, I will do some long reflection and hopefully come up with ansers for me. Again, Thanks.
A handler once had me try to direct her dog. As long as I maintained complete focus that dog behaved. The minute my mind wandered, he was out of line, even highly trained and on a long down. Are horses similar?
If so “returning to neutral” wouldn’t necessarily mean any lack or even lessening of focus on the part of the rider, just no new instructions?
I think I need to learn that… to accept what I need to do without fussing and to differentiate between what I need to and want to do.
I find doing a few Wordle games right before bed time helps me to let go of the days worries and sleep better.
I know it’s not related to riding issues but please check out michael_lares on IG. He has horses in an off-grid each in Canada. Some of his photos are amazing